My First Scuba Diving
Last winter vacation, I went to an island called Bali with my family for 10 days. It was located near Indonesia, so the weather was hot when we arrived there in December. This beautiful island was full of fresh fruits and crystal blue seas. My family enjoyed our holiday having delicious foods, swimming, and reading books. One day, my father, sister, and I decided to try something new, and finally decided to learn scuba diving in the deep sea! It was my first time to do scuba diving so many equipments of this activity was very uncomfortable in the first time. And there were many things to learn before we actually go into the water. We had to learn some simple sign languages to communicate in the water and how to equalize the pressure in the deep sea. When I could finally dive into the sea, I was really amazed to see how huge it was the sea! It was a lot deeper than it looks on the surface. And there were so many colors. All different kind of fishes had different colors and the corals also had strong orange, red, or clean white colors. It was amazing and I still cannot forget the feeling of my first scuba diving in Bali.
Hi, This is Jae-hun Lee and this is my feedback for your writing.
ReplyDelete1. Does the paragraph have a title?
->Yes, it has a title : My first scuba diving
2. Does the paragraph have a topic sentence that tells what the story will be about?
->Yes, the topic sentence is Last winter vacation, I went to an island called Bali with my family for 10 days.
3. Does the paragraph have background information?
->Yes, background information is It was located near Indonesia, so the weather was hot when we arrived there in December. This beautiful island was full of fresh fruits and crystal blue seas.
4. Does the paragraph give the events the story?
->Yes, It was my first time to do scuba diving experience.
5. Are there sensory and/or emotional details?
->Yes, emotional details: so many equipments of this activity was very uncomfortable in the first time.
6. Did you use simple past and past continuous verbs in the correct form?
->Yes, it is.
7. Did you include a concluding sentence that "Wraps up" the story? Does it tell how the experience affected you?
->Yes it is. It was amazing and I still cannot forget the feeling of my first scuba diving in Bali.
Thank You:)