Every cloud has a silver lining
The most important person I have right now is my boyfriend. IT has been a nearly a year since we first met. It all happened last year. I was having really hard time at that moment.
I've just broken with my ex-boy friend and the trip that I've planning for months has been canceled because my dad's sudden change of mind. I was really depressed because it seemed that my first summer vacation in college was about to turn in to a night mare.
Then one of my friends, who pitied me, recommended a society. Its purpose was to go on a trip and have fun with various university students. I thought there was nothing to lose so I signed up for it. I applied to the trip to Yang Pyeong. On the day to Yang Pyeong, several students gathered up a little bit early at the bus station including me. As we were waiting for the rest of the crew to arrive, a tall boy came up to me. He was so tall that I had to lift up my face in order to see his face properly. It was a late summer afternoon and cool breezes were surrounding us. His hair was blown about by the wind and a scent of perfume prevailed through the air. His tanned skin glowed in the sunlight, making him look like covered in milk caramel chocolate. He gave me a bright smile that instantly caught up my mind. We got along well on the way to Yang Pyeong. We chatted and chatted as if we were old friends who haven't seen each other for a long time. Eventually, that day turned my whole summer vacation from a night mare to a summer vacation that I would never forget. I guess every cloud does have a silver lining.
Hi, this is Ji-young from writing class. I've read your writing with smile. Your writing has concrete details of the moment you met him for the first time and it allowed me to imagine that moment. How sweet! Though, I wish you had written more details like what you guys said on the way to Yang Pyeong. Well, it's true that every cloud does have a silver lining! See you in class;)
ReplyDeleteHi Ji-su, this is SunGyung Kim and this is my comment on your great writing :)
ReplyDelete1. Your main point seems that your boyfriend is the best person with you now, and this is well demonstrated in the topic sentence.
2. The most impressive thing from your piece of writing is that you tell the story in a very interesing way. It really draws my mind. Especially, regarding details, sequences of the topic is well organized, so this makes your writing stronger.
3. One thing I suggest you improve is that you'd better tell us more why your boyfriend is so precious and important for you. Of course your paragraph includes this, but with more ideas, your piece of writing would be even better.
4. Your narrative paragraph is great because it consists good topic,concluding sentence as well as appropriate title. Also, all the details with sensory and emotional factors make it more interesting.
All in all, thanks for sharing such a beautiful story about you and your boyfriend. I really enjoyed your paragraph!!!