THE UNIVERSITY’S REFUSAL
‘Sorry, your name is not on the list.’ I felt I was left alone somewhere in the isolated island. This one sentence was only result from all years of my effort to enter the college. So, for a while, I used to express myself as a loser. One of the difficulties was my family issue. I had been a black sheep of my family; for long, they had to endure my hysteric anger caused by Korean SAT, and they were spitting in their hands to revenge me. Missing their long tip, they couldn’t touch me at all. Because I had no guts to face them, I pulled the bedclothes over my head, crying the whole week. And the next challenge was my friends. Those who succeeded to entrance exam could not be happy in front of me, because my appearance, which lost over 5 pounds, represented my words-I envy you, don’t you dare to boast it, or something like this ugly comments. It was obvious that, out of them, those who got the entrance admission were the winners, and the rest of them were the losers who have the twisted and crooked mind. I was no more who used to be, and I hated myself. And this hurt me the hardest. During my lifetime until that moment, I had been proud of myself. I believed I was so called jack-of-all-trades. No matter what the others say, I loved myself so much. In hindsight, I should have been the last person that judges me by the admission paper, but for that time, I was resentful of myself. One night of the days with handful of resignation and sprinkle of disappointment, I got a call from my aunt. Before I complained about where and how I am, her remarks made me gain my feet. She said, ‘God wanted you to lower yourself, because, if you, having so beautiful face, succeeded at one go, you must have been very arrogant.’ Come to think of it, she was right. I needed to be humble, and realized these times of crisis can be reversed into the opportunity. That night, I decided to try one more time before my family. All of them cheered me up and supported, then I could really hear them, and plucked up my courage again. From the very start, I should have remembered that, the study was not for others, but me. There is no reason to care about others whether I succeed or fail.
To Son Na Rae From Park Jae Hyun Assignment a narrative paragraph from unit 6
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is your sincerity in this writing. I guess if one read your writing he/she would support you even though he/she does not know anything about you. On the top of that I was surprised by your variety of expressions! I’ll talk about it later.
2. Your main point seems to be your disappointment after failure of university entrance and how you get your courage back. I guess it is well illustrated.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful: Your writing is full of various vocabularies for me such as ‘jack-of-all-trades’, ‘In hindsigh’ and ‘gain my feet’. Even some words were so new to me so I had to look up them in dictionary. In my opinion this kind of expression makes your writing really different from others.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
But some parts are not quite vivid as you may think for example, ‘they were spitting in their hands to revenge me.’ ,‘Missing their long tip’ and ‘I should have been the last person that judges me by the admission paper.’. Actually I don’t quite understand what they mean.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing could be changing some words. As I already read other classmate’s work, the very first impression that I can recognize is expression because you use a lot of new vocabularies that I do not know. However I’m afraid that they maybe not that effective. For example you used the word black sheep and I had to look up dictionary. At first I thought this is very cool. But now I feel it would be better if you add some specific story or occasion which is related to it so that reader can understand what you mean more clearly.
See you on Monday~
I already posted two other comments for assignment of unit 6 in time before. However I uploaded this because this writing so attracted me. I just wanted to write a comment.
DeleteHi, I'm Minju Yeo
ReplyDeleteYour writing is truly a touching story.
I could really sympathize with you because this was similar to my
experience too :)
I think your writing is very organized and easy to read.
Thank you