The first day riding a bike
I can remember when I got on the bike first. When I was seven, my dad taught me to ride a bike in front of my house. First, it was difficult to ride a bike, holding the center. I couldn't go more than five meters. So, my father grabbed the end of the bike and he pushed the bike behind me. Because my father was holding the bike, I was able to ride a bike. When I looked back at some point, however, my father did not hold the bike anymore. Naturally, I can hold the center, and thereafter I can ride a bike. It was very interesting moment when I was learning how to ride a bike. I usually ride a bike and sometimes, I can remember that moment, the first day riding a bike.
Hi This is Wansoo Cho. Here is my comment.
ReplyDelete1,What I like about this piece of writing is
Your writing is simple and precise.
2,Your main point seems to be that you have special memory of learning how to ride a bike.
4,The changes you could make that would make improvement in this piece of writing are followed.
This is narrative writing. So It have to be more like telling story. Your topic is good but I think you need to add your special experience.
Hi My name is Minju Yeo.
ReplyDeleteI guess we all have this kind of experience:)
What I like about your writing is that it is easy to read and understand the content.
However, I think the story is a bit too simple that I can't specifically imagine the scene. Therefore I think you should add some more detail.
I liked your writing anyway !
The first day riding a bike
ReplyDeleteI still can remember when I got on the bike first. When I was seven, I wanted to ride a bike on my own. Originally, my bike was the four-footed bike. But to make the two-footed bike, my father removed two stabilizer wheels. So, my dad decided to teach me to ride a bike in front of my house. And at that moment, I was excited very much. First, it was difficult to ride a bike, holding the center. I couldn’t go more than five meters, it really hard to me. And then, my father grabbed the end of the bike and he pushed the bike behind me. Because my father was holding the bike, I was able to ride a bike. When I looked back at some point, however, my father did not hold the bike anymore. Finally, I can hold the center naturally. And thereafter I can ride a bike. It was very interesting moment when I was learning how to ride a bike. I usually ride a bike and sometimes, I can remember that moment which is the first day riding a bike.
Hi, this is ChaiHyeon Nah from your monday writing class.
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked the most about your writing was that all of your contents stay together. I can see that your main point was your memory of learning how to ride a bike for the first time. However, I see some grammar mistakes and I believe if you can be more specific in describing your feelings at the moment, your paragraph would be more interesting to read.
Thank you, and see you in class!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI have Question
ReplyDeleteany one who Can write this paragraph?
Write about your special memory in paragraph . Say how you felt and what you did . Be sure to use the past tense.