It was one year ago, on February. I was expecting to come to Seoul because I had to attend an orientation of the French department. The day of the orientation, my mom planned to drive me to Shinkyungju KTX station. It was a snowy day but we took the car. As it was not snowing that much, we thought that it will stop to come down. Of course, my mom drove carefully. However, the weather got worse and worse and the snow continued to fall, even much more than few hours ago. We didn't know the route so we were depending on the GPS Navigation. There were traffic jams because of the snow and all the cars were crawling like an earthworm. When we were waiting for the traffic lights, the GPS told us to take a left turn. We followed the way but all the surrounding were fields and farms. The streets were so narrow that we felt danger. Also, the snow fell continuously. My mom got afraid because it was her first time driving through the snow. She took a corner and there was a path which led us to a little tunnel right ahead. Suddenly, we heard a bang! We didn't even recognize that the car hit the wall of the tunnel. It was an unexpected crush! We got scared and my mom decided not to keep go on. She checked if there was nothing wrong with the car – there were some cracks on the front bumper. She turned off the car and we went back home. We didn't try to find any other means of transportation and we took a rest for the rest of the day. From this day, my mom never drives on a snowy day and I always give advice to others not to drive when it's snowing or to be careful on a rainy day. It really was a dangerous experience!
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Hi, This is Jae-hun Lee and this is my feedback for your writing.
ReplyDelete1. Does the paragraph have a title?
->No, It needs a title.
2. Does the paragraph have a topic sentence that tells what the story will be about?
->Yes, I was expecting to come to Seoul because I had to attend an orientation of the French department.
3. Does the paragraph have background information?
->Yes, The day of the orientation, my mom planned to drive me to Shinkyungju KTX station. It was a snowy day but we took the car.
4. Does the paragraph give the events the story?
->Yes, the weather got worse and worse and the snow continued to fall, even much more than few hours ago.
5. Are there sensory and/or emotional details?
-> There are emotional details: My mom got afraid because it was her first time driving through the snow.
6. Did you use simple past and past continuous verbs in the correct form?
->Yes it is.
7. Did you include a concluding sentence that "Wraps up" the story? Does it tell how the experience affected you?
->Yes. From this day, my mom never drives on a snowy day and I always give advice to others not to drive when it's snowing or to be careful on a rainy day. It really was a dangerous experience!
Thank You:)