Terrible public transportation
Last winter vacation, I traveled to Gangneung with my friend. We stayed 2 days and we had a great time. I visited traditional market. There were lots of interesting traditional foods. They were delicious. And we spent a lot of time to see the deep dark blue sea. We loved the cozy and peaceful atmosphere in Gangneung. But the last day of trip, we had a really bad experience. Before we went to Seoul, we decide to eat lunch. We didn't have a car so we had to take a bus towards bus terminal. After we ate soft tofu, we were going to bus station. We started to wait the bus. But after an hour, the bus didn't come. We were starting to be nervous to miss bus schedule. An half an hour later, we began to be angry about terrible public transportation in Gangneung. We wanted to take a taxi but we didn't have enough money. Eventually about two hours later, the bus came. Fortunately, we didn't miss the bus but we were so cold, tired and angry. And I made up my mind that I'll never travel to Gangneung without a car.
Hi Sora this is SunGyung Kim and here's my comment on your paragraph.
ReplyDelete1. Your main point seems to be that you experienced a terrable transportatino system during the trip to Gangneung.
2. The most good thing about your paragraph is the title, I think. It grabbed my eyes and so became curious about your writing.
3. However, regarding the topic sentence and the details, I think you need to improve it more specific and describe more. What this means is that you'd better change a little bit wthh your topic sentence in order the sentence can include what, when and why. Details should be more focused on the topic, "terrible transportation you experienced." Now, It's too scattered.
4. Sensory details and emotional ones were both enough and they really helped be interested in your writing.
All in all, your writing was interestting and thanks for sharing your experience with me :)
Hello, Sora. I’m Jeong Hyen Joo, and this is my feedback.
ReplyDeleteI think your main point is that bad things happened while you traveled to Gangneung. So, your topic sentence is “But the last day of trip, we had a really bad experience.” What I liked about this paragraph is that you used a lot of sensory details and emotional details. I could understand how much you felt bad during your trip to Gangneung. But there is something that I want to change in this writing. It would be better if you add more specific information about your bad experience, and make your title focused to that. I think it can make your writing more interesting.
Thank you, and see you next time!