In 1992, I was born with my twin brother who once had looked rellay same with me.
My life can not be explained without him because we've always been together from the birth.
Living in Ilsan, except for middle school, we went the same school.
As most of other Korean students, I can't remind nothing but study.
Although it sometimes gave me stress, I could have overcome it with my brother.
I believed my life will thoroughly change in University.
However, It wasn't . Rather, I felt like loosing passion and purpose of my life.
So I tried really hard to be motivated to manage my life again thinking of what I can do well and where can I put my passion on.
And happily I finally find my way even if I'm not sure whether I can do well or not yet.
Though my life untill now was common as other people I want to be unique from now on and I'll do my best.
I envy you that you have a precise dream. Your writing has some grammatical mistakes, but it was really interesting.
ReplyDeleteHi I'm Kahee Lee and I really now how it feels to not have a clear goal for myself.
ReplyDeleteBecause you wrote the topic sentence about you and your brother, I thought your writing would be about both of you.
So I think your paragraph would be better if you added some stories about your brother, like how he helped you overcome your stress.
To Cho Wansoo From Minju Yeo
ReplyDeleteAssignment : My life until today.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you started the writing with an interest introduction
that you were born as a twin brother.
2.Your main point seems to be your twin brother and your precise goal of your life.
3. "My life cannot be explained without him" this line struck me as powerful because the sentence shows how much you leaned on him and like him.
4. "Even if I'm not sure whether I can do well or not 'yet'" this sentence was not clear to me. I think you have to erase 'yet' to indicate you are not sure if you could do well or not.
5. I suggest you to read your writing one more time after writing, because you have some grammatical mistakes such as past tense or past perfect tense. It doesn't cause any misunderstanding in this writing it's a simple paragraph writing. However, I think when you write a longer or more complicated sentences in the future, grammatical mistakes can be a problem.
In 1992, I was born with my twin brother who once had looked really same with me. My life can not be explained without him because we always have been together from the birth. Although we often quarrel, we also great supporters for each other, especially during high school. During that time as most of other Korean students, I can't remind nothing but study, go to school AM 8:00 and come home AM 2:00 all days.... Although it often gave me stress and make me tired, I could overcome it with my brother. He always take care of me more than himself and vice versa. I think he was a great companion for me to become who I am. We ,in some degree, made our dream true and believed our life will thoroughly change in University. However, It wasn't. Rather, I felt like loosing passion and purpose of my life, becoming lethargic. I don't know why but it was. However My brother tried to encourage me and gave many advice to start my life again. So I tried really hard to be motivated to manage my life again, thinking of what I can do well and where can I put my passion on. And happily I finally find my way, even if I'm not sure whether I can do well or not yet. Though my life until now was common as other people, I want to be unique from now on and I'll do my best.
ReplyDelete