Even if I'm only 21 years old, my life was very dramatic until today. When I was very young, I easily got sick and sometimes I was even close to death. Being a weak child, I didn't like talking too much, and I grew up to be a shy person until I had the opportunity to study abroad. My family stayed in the US for a year when I was in the second grade of middle school. Since I had to survive in a foreign country, I learned how to express myself and to be cheerful. This effort made me a active and positive person. Moreover, I was excited to meet many new people and learn another culture. These thoughts made me to dream of being a diplomat. Having a firm goal to be a diplomat, I became more enthusiastic. Also, I made a great effort to improve both Chinese and English. To be one step closer to achieve my dream, I entered HUFS, and these languages became my major in the end. My childhood was a hard time for me, but it gave me many advantages. I am very patient and sincere because I got through all those hard times.
Hi Minju! I'm really surprised to know you through this post. You Wrote in simple but effective way, I think. Among them the word 'dramatic' in the first sentence is surely catchy to me. I think If you add more interesting sentences like a 1st sentence, the composition will have more appeal
ReplyDeleteglad to have a comment on your post!
see you soon~
Hi Minju. First, I liked the part that the fact that you had hard time in your childhood helped you in a certain way, in the end. Because of the last two sentences, your writing seems to be more organized. Also, I loved that you mentioned your dream. It gives an impression that you have been very passionate to every second in your life. But I think it would be better you had used various vocabularies in your writing. Then, see you in class :) !
ReplyDeleteHi! I liked this piece of writing because your story is almost the same to my writing. It's very concise and precise.
ReplyDeleteI liked the word "dramatic' too. It seemed very impressive and it attracted me.
I envy that you dream to be a diplomat because I wanted to be a diplomat too but now I'm not very sure about my dream.
It was a pleasure to read your writing!
Second draft
ReplyDeleteMinju Yeo Mon 1,2 My life Until today
Even though I'm only 21 years old, my life was very dramatic until today. When I was very young, I easily got sick and sometimes I was even close to death. I got a very serious illness so I remeber never going to a kingdergarten like other kids. Being a weak child, I didn't like talking too much, and I grew up to be a shy person until I had the opportunity to study abroad. My family stayed in the US for a year when I was in the second grade of middle school. Since I had to survive in a foreign country, I learned how to express myself and to be cheerful. This effort made me a active and positive person. Moreover, I was excited to meet many new people and learn another culture. These thoughts made me to dream of being a diplomat. Having a firm goal to be a diplomat, I became more enthusiastic. Also, I made a great effort to improve both Chinese and English. To be one step closer to achieve my dream, I entered HUFS, and these languages became my major in the end. I believe studying in my school will help me a lot in acheiving my dream. My childhood was a hard time for me, but it gave me many advantages. Going through all those hard times made me a more patient and sincere person.