A sense of place
Last winter vacation, I visited a pension and it is still vivid in my mind. Although it is at the side of the road, there aren't many cars because it is located in the mountain. When entering into the pension, I can see an extensive yard. There were many pots with diverse size, and snows were placed on it. And there are decending stone stairs in the edge of the yard that are connected to forest. It looks mysterious but I didn't go there because it was richly wooded and I felt scary. And I could see pension in the yard. It was korean style house made of red clay and had only the first floor. When I entered inside the pension, I can see a passage and there are two tables. They are made of wood and round shape. A computer was located on the one table, and there were dish on the another table. Because tangerine is on the dish, the pension was filled with the fragrance of tangerine. And inside the room, kitchen is next to the door. Bathroom is behind the kitchen, and there is a sliding door. When I open the sliding door, I can see a cozy room. The overall color of room was orange because floor of the room was made of red clay. Also since its wall was made of retinispora, I can smell its scant. In this room, I ate some tangerine which were in the passage, and it tasted really sweet and fresh. It was the most sweet tangerine I've ever eaten. And although it was winter and snowy outside, I couldn't feel any coldness because of red caly. The floor is so hot that I almost burned my hand. Although it was only a few months ago, I want to go this pension one more time if I visit Jeju island.
HI this is MinKyong and it's my feedback on your work!
ReplyDeleteI loved the way you described about the pesion.
I could see myself in it and eating tangerine. But I felt a little bit awkward when you jumped from the yard to the pension.I think it would be better if you put some more details about the yard or the pathway to the pension. And also some more solid words would help the writing too. I was a little bit curious how the tables are located,on which table the computer is located.Maybe it would be the one on the table standing right side of the passage. Anyway,I loved the part you describing inside of the room and the part that it smells like retinspora.I don't know how that smells like but somehow I could imagine it.^^
Thanks for your writing and see you in the clas!!
Hi, this is Lee Myungjae. I was impressed by your writing because I felt like as if I ate the tangerine in the hot room. I could imagine the sweetness of the tangerine. Also as you mentioned that the floor was made of red clay ,i could guess what you meant it looked yellow. However,I was a bit confused when you described the yard and passage(I think it is a corrider but not too sure). I think it is a little wordy and holds too much information. Overall, I can find some impressive sentences using different senses but some parts too specific, which possibily distracts readers from clear undertanding. For example, I think you could omit the part of bathroom unless you intended to explain it further. See you in class, bye!
ReplyDeleteHi, this is JaeHun Lee and it's my feedback on your writing.
ReplyDeleteI think you want to describe about the pension that you are visited. You write your feeling about there by using touch, see, taste and smell. you describe very detail about the pension. so, actually I didn't go there but I can imagine there a little bit. If I have a chance, I want to eat that tangerine too. thanks and see you in the class.
Hello, You Jung! This is Hyen Joo, and it's my feedback! First, it was really good to use many senses, not just sight. I can feel that you do try to use it as many as you can. Those senses were helpful to make me understand about the place. But I think the description of sight is too much compared to other senses. it would be better if you add more contents about other senses. Also, I would add more details about the description if I were you. Next time you revise it, describe more about how does the pots look like, or what exactly the korean style is. I think it can ma e your paragraph more understandable and memorable. After all, it is a really good writing because I could imagine exactly how does the place look like.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your writing and see you next time!:)
Thank you for your feedback! I revised this writing using your comments :-)
ReplyDeleteLast winter vacation, I visited a pension and it is still vivid in my mind. Although it is at the side of the road, there aren't many cars because it is located in the mountain. The pension was korean style house(the roof is made of straw and its window is papered by changhoji-korean paper) made of red clay and had only the first floor. When entering into the pension, I can see an extensive yard. In the yard, there is an stone road that is leading to the pension house. Many pots were from the sides of the path. They are diverse size, and snows were placed on each. And there were decending stone stairs in the edge of the yard that are connected to forest. It looks mysterious but I didn't go there because it was richly wooded and I felt scary. The end of stone road is connected to the door of the pension. When I entered inside the pension, I can see a passage and there are two tables on the side of the enterance. They are made of wood and round shape. A computer is located on the one table, and there are dish on the another table. Because tangerine is on the dish, the pension was filled with the fragrance of tangerine. After picking up some tangerines, I and my mother went inside the room. When open the door of room, I can see kitchen on the right side of the door. Bathroom is behind the kitchen, and there is a sliding door next to the bathroom. When I open the sliding door, I can see a cozy room. The overall color of room was orange because floor of the room was made of red clay. Also since its wall was made of retinispora, I can smell its scant. In this room, I ate some tangerine. It tasted really sweet and fresh. It was the most sweet tangerine I've ever eaten. And although it was winter and snowy outside, I couldn't feel any coldness because of red caly. The floor is so hot that I almost burned my hand. Although it was only a few months ago, I want to go this pension one more time if I visit Jeju island.