One of the things I cherish the most is my field jacket. It is khaki, has two pockets and no hoods. It looks just common jacket which is good to wear in the spring and fall, but it has a special meaning to me. My sister gave it to me as my 18th birthday present. She was 16 years old at that time and just a middle school student. She didn't make any money and wasn't even old enough to do so. However, she collected her pocket money from parents to prepare for my gift. Actually, I couldn't have many chances to talk to her during my high school days for I had to stay in the dorm. Not just talking, even seeing each other's face was permitted, if many, once or twice a month. During those busy days, however, she bought the jacket on my birthday and I was so impressed. The present was not sent to me on the exact day because I was in school. But when I received it in the weekends, though it was not an expensive or brand clothes, I could feel her care for me and love for family. It is now worn and faded a lot, but still, I sometimes put it on. Whenever I wear my jacket, it gives me power to live enthusiastically and emotions that my family is with me though we are far apart.
Hello, this is Eun Dana from your class. I enjoyed reading your paragraph because it showed your love and affection towards your family :).
ReplyDeleteIt was easy to identify your topic sentence and know what you were going to talk about.
Your background information about the jacket was provided well. You explained when and how you got it and how you felt when you received it. Also you mentioned how your sister tried to prepare this jacket for you. That was very informative.
Your descriptive details about the jacket was good but maybe a little more could do it. You mentioned it is kahki, has two pockets and no hood. Does it have any printing on it? What is it made out of? Leather or cotton?
The concluding sentence was really good. It sums up your feelings about the possession and your family. I get the idea of how much your jacket means to you.
Good paragraph and thanks for sharing it.
See you in class!
Hi, I'm cho yoon jung from your class! I enjoyed reading your writing!
ReplyDeleteThe paragraph has a topic sentence 'One of the things I cherish the most is my field jacket. '. I can identify the possession the writer will discuss is the field jacket.
You provide background information about the jacket, like it was given by your sister as a birthday present who cared you so much.
I can imagine what your jacket looks like but not clearly. You made the details about the color, shape of the jacket. But still, I wish you could write more about the details or some kind of specific details about shape.
But I couldn't find specific words, I think it could be better to use some specific words about the feeling you feel about the jacket or the sister.
I liked your concluding sentence because it restates the topic sentence and also I can feel the affection about your sister and family.
Thx for sharing your nice writing! See you next week!
One of the things I cherish the most is my field jacket. It is khaki, has two pockets and no hoods. It looks just common jacket waist-long with no prints at all, which is good to wear in the spring and fall, but it has a special meaning to me. My sister gave it to me as my 18th birthday present. She was 16 years old at that time and just a middle school student. She didn't make any money and wasn't even old enough to do so. However, she collected her pocket money from parents to prepare for my gift. Actually, I couldn't have many chances to talk to her during my high school days for I had to stay in the dorm. Not just talking, even seeing each other's face was permitted, if many, once or twice a month. During those busy days, however, she bought the jacket on my birthday and I was so impressed. The present was not sent to me on the exact day because I was in school. But when I received it in the weekends, though it was not an expensive or brand clothes, I could feel her care for me and love for family. It is now worn and faded a lot, but still, I sometimes put it on. Whenever I wear my jacket, it gives me power to live enthusiastically and emotions that my family is with me though we are far apart.
ReplyDelete