Looking back at my whole life, although it's just 23 years, I consider myself to have had a very exciting life. Most of my life I have been moving from one place to another, all over Korea and even abroad since I was very little. My family, due to the characteristics of my father's career, had to move almost every 2 years. So I have moved around at least more than ten times. Some people might think that this could be hard for children. However I consider myself lucky to have been able to go to many different places, and experience things that not many can do. For example, I was able to live in the states when I was little, which led to my interest in language and foreign countries. I also think because I was able to see many new things in a young age I grew up to like trying new things that I have never done before. So I have tried doing everything that caught my interest. Mainly these interests were about language, music and art. I also grew up to love traveling too much. I was not able to travel by myself until I entered University, since I didn't have the time and money. But after I entered, I just couldn't stay at once place. So I stated going traveling during every vacation. I even went on an exchange student program to Norway because Scandinavia sounded so new. I had a fantastic time there and I'm still having a wonderful life now. I believe that life is all about enjoying. So that is just what I'm planning to do! I'm going to make the best of my last year in University and keep on making my life an exciting one.
hi, it's Na rae son.
ReplyDeletereading your paragraph, i got excited too. envy you!
Hi I am kim you jin.
ReplyDeleteWOW! It sounds so interesting :) I envy you too. Your life is full of experience and challenges. I like your attitude toward your life as you say 'I believe that life is all about enjoing'. It incites me because you seems to have enthusiasm for life! However I think the topic sentence is rather obscure. If you divide your paragraph into two or three and arrange it more sistematically, It will make better form. That is, your enthusiasms for life can all become the TOPIC sentences I think. OR, I suggest that your interests about language, art, music, traveling need to be included in much bigger ONE sentence like 'Let me explain what interests me until now' at the begging.
Hi, Kahee. I'm Yeonju. I enjoyed reading your paragragh. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYour piece of writing was impressive for me, because you wrote not only about the experience moving here and there, but also the meaning and value of that experience in your life. I could understand how you became interested in the new things and got enthusiasms for them, reading about your experience of the childhood.
But, saying about the topic sentence, I agree with Youjin; your topic sentence is weak. I think that it might be a better topic sentence if you have wrote something related to your "moving from one place to another." The topic sentence up there is not effective to embrass the ideas in your paragragh. And if the topic sentence is strengthened, the conclusion will be different than now; it also should be more related to the main idea.
I like your sentence "I believe life is all about enjoying," because I agree with the idea itself, but, in my opinion, this one ruins the unity of the paragraph. This sentence is slightly out the topic, if we regard your live in diffrent places as the topic.
Bye!
Kahee Lee
ReplyDeleteDraft2
My whole life of 23 years has been, in my opinion, just full of excitement. Most of these excitement came from going to new places and traveling around. Since I was very young, my family has moved to various cities, due to the characteristics of my father's career. This moving around also involved America. I was around 6 when I started living in the states, and I could say that my experiences there made me the person I am today. I can still remember the joy I felt when I was able to talk to the kids at school in English. I also remember the thrill of traveling the places I've never seen. As a result of all these experience, I grew up to love foreign language and traveling. I kept studying English after I came back to Korea, and I also started Japanese. I entered HUFS to study English even more and I found out that there are so many beautiful languages that I can study here. So I decided to apply for an exchange student program and flew to Norway, which I think it was one of my best decisions. I had a fantastic time there, including the unforgettable trips I had with my friends. Now I am in my last year in University, still enjoying my exciting life, looking for more. I've started learning another language which I am so into these days, and I'm also getting ready to start off on a new trip to somewhere I've never been to before.