My life until now
My life until now is a series of dreaming. In my youth, I wanted to become a doctor because I thought that doctor's life which helps other people to be cured from devastated illness would make my life much happier. In 16, I dreamed being a producer who makes touching program and gives people inspiration. When I was in high school, I adored my English teacher who taught me English friendly. So I wanted to become a teacher. Now, although it may seem to be obscure for others, I want to lead a life being full of confidence as a university student. Someone who has confidence in one's life can also give others confidence. All these dreams have made me step by step until now, and also it will make me progress continuously!
Hi, this is Youn Hee Kim.
ReplyDeleteI liked that you wrote about your dreams from your childhood.
And it seems like you have passion as a university student.
Your main point seems to be your dream's variation from your childhood and the reason why you had changes of mind.
DeleteYou said 'My life until now is a series of dreaming.' When I heard to write a paragraph about my life until now, I thought to write what happened in my life, not something abstract like talking about your dreams.
But it's a paragraph about "my life until now" but it only describes the change of her dreams.
And in this part "all these dreams have made me step by step until now," you didn't tell how they have made you.
Hi You Jin! I'm Jeong Hyun Joo.
ReplyDeleteWhat I likeabout this piece of writing is that it flews chronologically, and has a single topic, the dreaming.
Your main point seems to be about the future goal which you have dreamed since you were born.
It's a such a good organization to make your sentence supported by some reasons. I think it makes your paragraph more detailed and easy to understand. Also I like your writing because I could see the youthful zest as a university student.
In the paragraph, there is a sentence which is unneccessary. ;"Someone who has confidence in one's life can also give others confidence."I think there isn't any relationship between the topic. Also, itwill be better if you write it more lively. It can be boring if the writing just has fragments of information.
I think it is a good writing after all because it has a good length, and a structure. It will be better if there's a cathcy beginning at the first of your paragraph. It will attract more attentions I think.
HELLO! Guys, This is a revise, and Thanks for your comments.
ReplyDeleteMy life until now
My life until now is a FULL of dreaming. I was born in country side. I always played with nature and heard the sounds of frogs, birds around my grandmother's home. I kept along with my grandmom and I liked her very much. When I spent time talking with her, I felt comfortable. However, When I was in 11, she passed away by illness. So at that time, I wanted to become a doctor because I thought that doctor can protect one's lovers from davatated illness. When I was in high school, I met my best friend. I have get along with her until now. She and I always shared dreams and the hope of the future in our life. Talking with her, She always cheeres me up! So I could get hope to be other's hope. Thanks to her, at that time, I dreamed being a producer making touching programs which give people hope. All These dreams have made me step by step until now. NOW, I dream a university student who has confidence in my life. Also, It will make me progress continuously!