MP3 player: Valuable enough to make me smile
Do you have a possession which makes you smile? For me, that is MP3 player. When I was 13 years old, my parents gave me a gift box for elementary school graduate. After opening it, I could see an MP3 player. I was more happy and amazed to be given it because it was my first MP3 player. It was small-about 1/4 of my palm and light so I could bring it putting it in pocket or holding it in my hands. And for that its color was white with blue outlines, I felt neat and fresh. But as it was easy to be dirty because of its light color, I usually used a cover on it. Also it had a silver colored stick used to operate the machine. I felt as if I were playing a console game when I used the stick. Its screen was very small and black and white. Although I couldn't see colorful videos, I don't change it until it was broken in last year. The reason is "memory" and "comfort"- I can remember the days when I was given it and using it, and also feel comfortable because of being accustomed to the MP3 player. Although now I can't use it, I will cherish this special possession.
Hello You Jung! I'm WanSoo cho. Reading your article I totally agreed with you cause I also can't live without MP3 Players!
ReplyDeleteI think your writting have no big problem in Q1,2 and 5. But when it comes to Q 3, 4, I think you have to more specific and discriptive about you MP3. It's true that you used many adj to describe it but, still, I can't draw it in my head. I hope you to add more details such as shape or kind of your Mp3 Player.
see you next week!
Hi, I'm cho yoon jung from your class.
ReplyDeleteYou states your topic sentence by asking question and I think it's nicely done.
And the background information that you got it as your graduation present from your parents is mentioned. But I think it would be better if you add little more details about the background information.
I think you give enough details about your possession like the size, color. But I wish you could give more about the general shape of the mp3.
Also, you mentioned specific words like 'memory' and 'comfort', I can feel the same way you feel about the MP3.
And for the concluding sentence I think it's better to write the specific name of possession in your case 'MP3 player' instead of 'this special possession'.
I enjoyed reading your writing very much! Thanks for sharing your precious memory with us! See you in the class!
Thank you very much for your feedback! I revised my writing based on your comments.
ReplyDeleteMP3 player: Valuable enough to make me smile
Do you have a possession which makes you smile? For me, that is MP3 player. When I was 13 years old, my parents gave me a gift for elementary school graduate. The gift was wrapped with diverse colored dot patterned wrapping papers. After opening it, I could see an MP3 player. I was more happy and amazed to be given it because it was my first MP3 player. Its overall shape was rectangle but similar to square in some way. Its size was small-about 1/4 of my palm- and light so I could bring it putting it in pocket or holding it in my hands. And for that its color was white with blue outlines, I felt neat and fresh. But as it was easy to be dirty because of its light color, I usually used a transparent cover on it. On its top section, there are many buttons used to opperate the machine like 'play', 'stop,' 'on/off', 'recording', etc. Also it had a silver colored stick next to its screen which was used to move menu or music. I felt as if I were playing a console game when I used the stick. Its screen was very small and black and white. Although I couldn't see colorful videos, I don't change it until it was broken in last year. The reason is "memory" and "comfort"- I can remember the days when I was given it and using it, and also feel comfortable because of being accustomed to the MP3 player. Although now I can't use it, I will cherish this MP3 player.