Cho yoon jung / A possession that is most important for me
I have an old and small sweater that has very special value to me, because it is related to my childhood memory. When I was young, I lived with my grandmother because my mom and dad were both working out until late. So my grandmother took care of me and she was even closer to me than my parents. But as the time passes and my mother stopped working outside, so I had to move back to my original house. Since my whole childhood memory is related to my grandmother, I was so depressed that I had to leave her. So for me, as a farewell present, my grandmother made me this sweater. This sweater is a bright red one, which was my favorite color and it was woven by my grandmother. As she is really good at making things, it is elaborately woven. Though now, it doesn't fit me at all and it is quite ragged, it still reminds me of the sweet love of my grandmother, so when I looking at it, it feels really warm and comfortable. This red sweater is my most valuable possession to me and I will keep it forever.
Hi i am Kim you jin.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your valuable possession. I think your writing is good in terms of coherence. that is, it has your main idea in the beginning and end of the paragraph. However, it will be better if you add some details about its shape, smell, sounds etc. you can youse various adjectives for that. In fact, it is a little bit obscure foe me because it has few description of your sweater. PLEASE LET ME KNOW~ : )
I am so impressed about your youth. i also lived nesr my grandmother. so i can agree what you feel. it reminds me of my grandmom. i miss her very much. Though you didn't describe shape, you did well in describing your feelings. Thank you!
Hi. I'm Lee Myungjae. I really liked your writing. and while reading it, I also came to love your sweater. It's so sweet :)
ReplyDelete1. Does the paragraph have a topic sentence? Can you identify the possession the writer will describe?
YES. I found the topic sentence clear ; 'I have an old and small sweater that has very special value to me, because it is related to my childhood memory.' From this first sentence, I got a sense that the writer would talk about her sweater.
2. Does the writer provide background information about the possession? If so, write it here.
YES. In the writer's childhood, she was raised by her grandparenets instead of her working mom and dad, so she had a storng affection to them. and when she had to be away from them, her grandmother gave her a red sweater as a farewell present which was woven by herself.
3. Does the paragraph have enough descriptive details to make the description clear to the reader?
Descriptions about the sweater's appearance that I found are, the color is bright, and it is woven by her grandmother elaborately. and now, it is quite ragged. For the information, I felt that the sweater would be very cozy to wear and highly sophiscated, but actually I wasn't able to picture what it exactly looks like in my mind.
4. Does the writer use specific words (instead of general terms) in the description? If there are words that could be more specific, write them here.
There are some specific words describing the sweater that I stated above. If I suggests, you can add more details such as its texture, patterns, or design. or.. which parts of it turned shabby.
5. Does the paragraph have a concluding sentence that restates the idea in the topic sentence?
YES. the topic sencence I found is as follows; This red sweater is my most valuable possession to me and I will keep it forever.
It is clear and as good as to be a conluding sentence. It restates the topic sentence which was written at the first part of the writing, and also forsifies the attatchment the wirter has to the possession.
Hello, this is Eun Dana from your class! I enjoyed reading your paragraph because it shows that you are very fond of your grandmother and it sounds so sweet :).
ReplyDeleteYour topic sentence was easy to find and understand. I could know straight away that you were going to talk about a sweater.
You provided enough background information about the possession- how and how you got this sweather. Also, you described how special your time with grandmother was and how much this sweater means to you.
However,i feel like your descriptive details about this sweater was not enough. You mentioned it is red, bright and woven by your grandmother. I wish there were more details. Does the sweater have any patterns? Where do you keep it since you can't wear it?
Your concluding sentence was clear enough. It restated the paragraph generally and it also showed your assurance to this sweater.
Overall, nice paragraph! See you in class.
I have an old and small sweater that has very special value to me, because it is related to my childhood memory. When I was young, I lived with my grandmother because my mom and dad were both working out until late. So my grandmother took care of me and she was even closer to me than my parents. But as the time passes and my mother stopped working outside, so I had to move back to my original house. Since my whole childhood memory is related to my grandmother, I was so depressed that I had to leave her. So for me, as a farewell present, my grandmother made me this sweater. This sweater is a bright red one, which was my favorite color and it has a small teddy bear in the left side of the chest part which only has its head with light brown color. As she is really good at making things, it is elaborately woven. It has vertical twisted pattern in the front and back side of the sweater. Though now, it doesn't fit me at all and the both sleeves are quite ragged, it still reminds me of the sweet love of my grandmother, so when I looking at it, it feels really warm and comfortable. This red sweater is my most valuable possession to me and I will keep it forever.
ReplyDelete