My most cherished possession is a doll that my mother gave to me when I was four years old. She made it for me because of my birthday present. She wanted to give something special that I would never forget. So, she decided to make a doll to give me the best friend that I've ever had. My doll is a girl who has a long brown hair which is made of wool. And she has beautiful eyes with green buttons. Her nose and mouth were drawn by me, and I made her smile. Actually, her skin is yellow because there wasn't enough flesh-colored fabric in my house. So, it looks like one of the characters in 'The Simpsons'. Also, it smells good because it is stuffed with coffee beans. And she is wearing a long, flowing pink dress in feminine flower-prints. In fact, that's something that I worn when I was a baby. I have always slept with that doll until I grow up. I feel happy and safe with her, and it makes me so comfortable when I smell it. It is a connection between me and my childhood. It is a very important thing to my life, and I will keep it in my treasure box until my life ends.
It's NA RAE SON.
ReplyDeleteHi, while I have read your writing, I could imagine what your doll is.
Your writing has so enough descriptions in details, So it wasn't hard to draw your doll in my thoughts.
I always have jealousy when someone has stuff which is old and worn-out but with special meaning. And one of the best item is the doll. because girls love dolls when they are young. So i think your story was perfect too.
Thanks.
and, the topic sentence and the concluding sentence match well! THanks
ReplyDeleteHi. I'm Lee Myungjae. I can feel how much the doll means to you in terms of reminding your mother's love, and also your childhood's sweet memory. If I have one, I would feel the same way,too. You are so lucky to have that kind of treasure.^^
ReplyDelete1. Does the paragraph have a topic sentence? Can you identify the possession the writer will describe?
YES. I found the topic sentence clear ; My most cherished possession is a doll that my mother gave to me when I was four years old. From this first sentence, I got a sense that the writer would develop her writing explaining why the doll is so special to her.
2. Does the writer provide background information about the possession? If so, write it here.
YES. She was given a handmade doll from her mother on her 4th birhday. Her mother wanted to give an unforgettable present to her daughter, so decided to make a doll by herself.
3. Does the paragraph have enough descriptive details to make the description clear to the reader?
YES. It holds detailed descriptions enough to make a clear image. For example, for the hair is made of wool, I can imagine it soft and little fluffy. and I also pictured the nose and its smile and the clothes as she moved from one to another. Generally, I got an overall image of the doll in detail.
4. Does the writer use specific words (instead of general terms) in the description? If there are words that could be more specific, write them here.
YES. It conveys a lot of information related to its look as well as the smell with specific words which include 'long brown hair which is made of wool', 'eyes with green buttons', 'yellow skin similar to the characters in 'The Simpsons', 'a long flowing pink dress in feminine flower-prints'. In particular, I like the way she describes the smell, mentioning stuffed coffee beans because the feeling of the doll easily came to my mind.
5. Does the paragraph have a concluding sentence that restates the idea in the topic sentence?
YES. the topic sencence I found is as follows; It is a very important thing to my life, and I will keep it in my treasure box until my life ends.
I'm Yun You Jung. I can read your writing with interest. And this is the feedback based on our textbook.
ReplyDelete1. Does the paragraph have a topic sentence?Can you identify the possession the writer will describe?
It seems that your topic sentence is "My most cherished possession is a doll that my mother gave to me when I was four years old." I could know that you will describe 'a doll' and you keep it treasure. But if you make this topic sentence more impressive, like 'My most cherished possession has also been my good friend at the same time. It is a doll that my mother gave to me when I was four years old.', it would be more better.
2. Does the writer provide background information about the possession? If so, write it here.
In this text, I can imagine the situation when you were given that doll vividly. Your mother make it to give you an unforgettable gift. I could feel your mother's love and could remember my childhood. Also, it was touching story.
3. Does the paragraph have enough descriptive details to make the description clear to the reader?
For that you describe about your possession specifically, I have no problem picturing it. (You even describe its smell) Also, you use "The Simpsons" to express your doll, and it is helpful for me to remind a doll.
4. Does the writer use specific words in the description? If there are words that could be more specific, write them here.
I think the writer use specific words. Because she describe the possession using sense like sight, smell, and materials which were used to make it.
5. Does the paragraph have a concluding sentence that restates the idea in the topic sentence?
The concluding sentence is "It is a very important thing to my life, and I will keep it in my treasure box until my life ends.
". This sentence finish the writing and remind me of the topic sentence.
Thank you for your writing! See you next class:-)
Thank you for all of your comments!!:)
ReplyDeleteMy most cherished possession has also been my good friend at the same time. It is a doll that my mother gave to me when I was four years old. She made it for me because of my birthday present. She wanted to give something special that I would never forget. So, she decided to make a doll to give me the best friend that I've ever had. My doll is a girl who has a long brown hair which is made of wool. And she has beautiful eyes with green buttons. Her nose and mouth were drawn by me, and I made her smile. Actually, her skin is yellow because there wasn't enough flesh-colored fabric in my house. So, it looks like one of the characters in 'The Simpsons'. Also, it smells good because it is stuffed with coffee beans. And she is wearing a long, flowing pink dress in feminine flower-prints. In fact, that's something that I had worn when I was a baby. I have always slept with that doll until I grow up. I feel happy and safe with her, and it makes me so comfortable when I smell it. It is a connection between me and my childhood. It is a very important thing to my life, and I will keep it in my treasure box until my life ends.