My life can be called experiencing diverse things. I was born on August 26th, 1992 in Incheon, but I was raised in Haeundae, Busan. Although it is city, there are mountain and sea near my house. So I could experience civilization and nature. I used to go there with my family or friends. In there, I could meet fresh air and see nature which changes at each season. Now, I think I was lucky to live close to nature. And I went to all school in here like elementary school, middle school, and high school. In those times, I could meet diverse knowledges. Also, there were some hard time because of a college entrance examination. But I could have precious experience with my friends. And after I came to colleage, I could challenge more new things like meeting new people, seeing wonderful performances and lectures. But still I want to do more experience. From now on, I will do my best to fill my life with many wonderful experience.
Hello! This is Dana Eun from your class.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this writing is that the writer described her background of growing up. It shows what kind of life she might have had in the past. The main point seems to be the ambition of the writer to enjoy and challenge herself at various activities. I liked the words "civilization and nature" because it shows how two different environment existed at one place and how she enjoyed both. The one thing that the writer could change to improve this writing is to give specific examples. What kind of hardship did the writer went through? Or what experience did the writer had when came to the university as a freshmen?
Hi! Nice to meet you. I'm Sora Kim.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like this piece of writing is experiences that you went through. Especially I like your 'Busan story'. It feels like seeing your hometown and I like the expression 'civilization' The main point seems to be experiences that influenced your life. But I can't get why these experiences important to you and how these experiences influence to you. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to write about reason why that experiences important.
Thank you for giving me comments about my writing.
ReplyDeleteThrough comments, I can realize what the good point of my writing is and also realize what I should fix!:-)
And this is my 2nd draft of my life.
My life can be called experiencing diverse things. I was born on August 26th, 1992 in Incheon, but I was raised in Haeundae, Busan. Although it is city, there are mountain and sea near my house. So I could experience civilization and nature. When the weather was nice, I used to go there with my family or friends. To tell the truth, I didn't like go to mountain or sea so much in that time. But now, I think I was lucky to have been able to meet fresh air and see nature which changes at each season. And I went to all school in here like elementary school, middle school, and high school. In those times, I could meet diverse knowledges. I learned about philosophy, politics, etc seriously for the first time. Also, there were some hard time because of a college entrance examination. I had to endure many things although I want to see TV, movie, or read a book. And I couldn't feel comfortable even in the rest time. But at the same time, I could have precious experience with my friends. We shared one's vision and cheer up each other. Sometimes after test, we go to see a movie or do other thing else. These experience stay with me as a precious memory. And after I came to colleage, I could challenge more new things like meeting new people, seeing wonderful performances and lectures. But still I want to do more experience. From now on, I will do my best to fill my life with many wonderful experience.