I am typing this writing on the table in living room. The table is made of glass and wood and you can see the inside of it which is decorated with green and red artificial flowers. Right in front of me, there is TV. On the screen, a person measures the length of a woman's arm and the height of a boy with a narrow tapeline. I smell the scent of cleanser because I just washed my face. At this moment, I feel tingling on my left foot as I am leaning on the couch and my foot went numb. But it is getting better. Now I turned off the TV, because it distracts me on the writing. On the blank black screen, I can see myself. Eh... I don't want to show my face at this moment to anyone. And I hear the noise of the refrigerator from the silent kitchen.
Hi this is wansoo from writting class.
ReplyDeletethe reason i chose to post a comment on your writting is that yours introduction catch my attention, and more importantly yours is very short! So I expected somthing simple and unique. But I'm not sure what you want to describe. Is it about your room? or your body? It's interesting that you decribed what you saw that time, but It is lack of concentration i think. So I recommend you to focus on your room only and make sure readers to describe your room in turn!
Thank you~
Hello, this is Takgyun!
ReplyDeleteI just finished your writing. My thought is quite similar to wansoo's. The first sentence caught my eyes. Nobody began with his or her own situations. However, your sentences are on all your situations. Your house, your reflection on TV, your feelings, everything you are facing then. I think it can be better by focusing on one place! It's a sense of a place, so you can set one space and identify its five senses.
See you in class!~
Hello, Ji-young! I'm Jeong Hyen Joo. I think you really tried to use different senses as possible as you can. You used sense of touch, sight, and smell. It was so good that I could feel the place exactly. But I can't understand what you are goin g to describe. First, I thought that you were going to describe about your room. Then, you described your body and feeling. It will be better if you just make a description about your room because the topic sentence is 'A sense of Place'. And I think your paragraph is too short. Next time you revised it, I would add more senses and description about the place if I were you. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI am typing this writing on the table in living room. The table is made of glass and wood, and you can see the inside of it, which is decorated with green and red artificial flowers. Right in front of me, there is TV. On the screen, a person measures the length of a woman’s arm and the height of a boy with a narrow tapeline. And on the opposite side of TV, there is a couch, which I am sitting on. It’s brown and made of leather, but it is kind of hard. Next to the couch, the lamp lightens when the main light is turned off. It makes me feel warm and cozy. And the white wallpaper covers all four sides of the living room. It makes the living room simple. In this simple room with few furniture, I am writing this script.
ReplyDelete