"What of my possession is the most important one to me?" I posted this question on my Facebook using my cell. And there were some funny answers like; "yourself!" or like "write about me!" Then suddenly this idea struck my head, 'What would it be like to live without cell phone?' Just thinking about it, it made me feel like I'm sitting in the dark. I'm not saying it because I'm addicted to it or my cell is very fancy one like i-phone-and it is not. It's just a white android phone that can be seen anywhere-. I'm saying so because it takes a big role in my life these days. I wake up as my alarm go off sharp in the morning. And then I check my schedule of the day, because most time I memo my homework or important things on my cell. It helps me to keep my life on track. I also check up on my friends through Facebook or messaging application. I look up on the internet to see interesting news. I don't' spend most of my time using my cell but it still plays a big role in my life. I think I will be so distracted and lose if I don't have it. So, I choose my cell as the most important stuff I possess.
Hi i am Kim you jin.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your possession. your introduction is very interesting. i can pay attention easily thanks to it. I think you choose your cell phone because it is too difficult to live without it, RIGHT? i understand but, if you mention it clearly in the beginning and end of writing, it would be better. for now, it is a little bit hard what is your reason. AND you can use more adjectives for making it better. your sense about its shape, smell and other things should be described, i think. it would be better to add details about a objective- your cell phone. I wonder you used adjicetives correctly. : ) Thank you! see you.
Hi, Minkyong!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your paragragh. Thanks.
You wrote about your sell phone as your important posession. I like the first part of you writing, that you tell us why you decide to choose your cell phone as important posession. It was a creative try to use Facebook to gather various idea.
But, I think, we were supposed to describe something detaily. Remeber what we did in the class? We tried to make the answer more specific and detail asking a lot of questions on it. So, I think, you should have tried to describe your cell phone, not only tell the story about it; you could tell us the color, shape, the bell ring, your alarm sound, ... thus the readers could imagine how it looks and sounds more lively.
See you!
2nd draft
ReplyDelete"What of my possession is the most important one to me?" I posted this question on my Facebook using my cell. And there were some funny answers like; "yourself!" or like "write about me!" Then suddenly this idea struck my head, 'What would it be like to live without cell phone?' Just thinking about it, it made me feel like I'm sitting in the dark. My cell is not fancy like I-phone or some other products people praise. It's just a white android phone that has round edges and wearing a white silicon case. Its body is also white but I’ve put the case on it to prevent it from being scratched. The case is not white anymore because it’s all stained by my hands. I'm not saying I can’t live without it because I'm addicted to it. I’m saying so because it takes a big role in my life these days. I wake up as my alarm of a cock crying out goes off in the morning. And then I check my schedule of the day, because most time I memo my homework or important things on my cell. It helps me to keep my life on track. I also check up on my friends through Facebook or messaging application. I look up on the internet to see interesting news. I don't' spend most of my time using my cell but it still plays a big role in my life. I think I will be so distracted and lose if I don't have it. So, I choose my cell as the most important stuff I possess.