I can live without TV. These days TV has lots of channels and programs. TV Programs are getting more diverse and more interesting than before. Actually there are lots of fun and good programs and I like them. I enjoy watching TV. Especially I like entertainment programs for example Infinitive Challenge, Running Man and K-pop Star(무한도전, 런닝맨, 케이팝스타). But watching TV is not my hobby. So I rarely watch TV. I prefer to surf the Internet, watching movies, reading books and newspaper. There are lots of better things than watching TV. I don't have enough time to watch TV. My house is far from the school. To come back home almost night and I'm so tired. So I can't watch TV. That's the reasons that I can live without TV.
hi, it is NARAE SON.
ReplyDeleteI think your essay need more unity.
because you mentioned you like the entertaining program, but at the same time you don't enjoy watching TV that much. in this respect, i think you will need to write in unity. thanks.
Hi, my name is Jeong Hyen Joo. What I like about this piece of writing is that there isn't any kind of un related stories. It is well organized to your main point.
ReplyDeleteSo, I think your main point is that you can live with out TV.
I like the last part of your writing because it was or ganized as a interesting story. If you just lined the reason why you can live without TV, it could be boring or typical. Also, I like the main topic of your paragraph. It's easy to understand what you are going to talk about.
However, there are some other things that I want to change in your writing. First, your beginning is too simple. Although its meaning is clear, it would be better if you add something more. Furthermore, you need to give some space when you start your writing. You can press Tab key or Space.
I think your writing is very interesting. I can feel th e reason why you said you can live without TV. But, I hope that your sentences are more related with others. For example, it's little bit awkward when you said that you enjoy watching TV but you rarely watch it. It will be better if you make more relationship between your sentences.
To Sora Kim From Minju Yeo.
ReplyDelete1. What I like about your writing is that you gave a specific example of your situation.
2. Your main point seems to be that you don't have enough time to watch TV that often, so you don't need TV that much.
3. I like your line saying ' TV programs are getting more diverse and more interesting than before' because you explain what is going on around us to help readers understand the situation.
4. Where I got confused was that you suddenly mentioned about your house's distance from school. You should have put a trasitional word between the senctences so that readers should notice you're going to say something different.
5. What I want you to change to improve your writing more, I wish you could put some transitional words in your writing. If you do, your writing would be much organized and easy to read.
These days TV has lots of channels and programs. TV Programs are getting more diverse and more interesting than before. And there is lots of ways to watch TV. So If I want I can watch TV anywhere and anytime. But I can live without TV. Actually there are lots of fun and good programs and I like them. Especially I like entertainment programs for example Infinitive Challenge, Running Man and K-pop Star(무한도전, 런닝맨, 케이팝스타). And I like documentaries. But watching TV is not my hobby. I rarely watch TV. Because I prefer to surf the Internet, watching movies, reading books and newspaper. There are lots of better things than watching TV. So I can live without TV.
ReplyDelete