TV, could you live without it?
TV is the most widespread appliances every home may have, followed up by computers. Thanks to Bill gates :-)
Despite the fact that TV has appeared only several decades ago, it has already been a common word in our lives.
Some children even say, "Watching television is my hobby." This shows that TV has deeply rooted itself to our daily lives.
However, I still strongly believe in that, people will still manage to live well without the presence of television.
Moreover, life without television will be beneficial than the one with it.
First, watching television is an activity that requires little or no interaction.
Watching television is the most passive activity that you could think of.
Your eyes are glued to television and no thinking is involved during the process.
So, as soon as TV disappears, people will start looking for activities that requires more movement and interaction.
Also for the sake of the children, watching TV should be lessened, since television draws children away from the family.
According to a study, conducted by University of Washington, children watch TV an average of four hours a day.
This leaves little time for conversation with family.
This not only reduces the "family time" but stunts the social growth, conversational skills.
From various aspects, TV leaves nothing but ill effects to our lives.
There is no doubt that we can live without TV.
Moreover, to increase our standards of well being, I think it's essential to remove TV out of our lives.
To Kim Ji Su From Park Jae Hyun Assignment TV: Could you live without it?
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that it is very persuasive. I am not going to denounce other peoples’ work that is generally about reasons why he/she can/can’t live without television. In my opinion under this topic, ‘TV: Could you live without it?’ taking one of side and trying to persuade readers are preferable. I appreciate it.
Your main point seems to be that television should be removed from human life because television does nothing good. Your main point is really vivid throughout your writing. Particularly starting from ‘…First, watching television is an activity…’ I could notice not only you can live without television but you think television is really evil thing.
These particular words or lines struck me as powerful: ‘Some children even say, "Watching television is my hobby."’ This line strongly struck me. Wow! As I saw this line I even nodded. Because when I was in elementary school in fact there were my friends saying their hobbies are watching television. Especially I could clearly notice it when they were given home environment research paper by teacher. I guess that you will probably success in touching other readers’ heart by this line. And your usage of vocabulary is also wonderful. By this part ‘stunts the social growth’ I find your expressions are really different from others. I think you have your own color in terms of expressions. Maybe even I feel like that I can recognize your writing without your name on it.
Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively): ‘….may have, followed up by computers. Thanks to Bill gates :-)’ Why did you say thank you to Bill gates? Did you wanted to say thank you to Bill gates because television is less popular than computer because computer is good when it is compared to television? This part makes me really curious.
‘…to increase our standards of well being,..’ And I also hope that you may find a better substitute for ‘standards of well being’. In my opinion this word is too big. You’d better give more explanations of how your life can be improved by removing television from your life or just simply take smaller word such as ‘time for communicate’.
The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is accepting other side. Roughly we got two sides regarding our topic, ‘TV: Could you live without it? ’. One thinks he/she can live without it while another thinks different. And I’m afraid you may fail to persuade both sides because you are too radical. ‘…Watching television is the most passive activity that you could think of…..no thinking is involved during the process…TV leaves nothing but ill effects to our lives…’ In particular these sentences are too radical. Why don’t you take more neutral expressions than these? Taking one side is right. But what I’m going to suggest is that you are too radical.
However your writing is usually short and effective. I think you are really close to ‘tight paragraph’,the point that is always highlighted by our professor, Jon H. Bahk-Halberg. I really envy you.
See you in class!!
TV, could you live without it?
ReplyDelete201100831 Kim Ji Su
TV is the most widespread appliances every home may have. Despite the fact that TV has appeared only several decades ago, it has already been a common word in our lives. Some children even say, “Watching television is my hobby.” This shows that TV has deeply rooted itself to our daily lives. However, I still strongly believe in that, people will still manage to live well without the presence of television. Moreover, life without television will be beneficial than the one with it.
First, watching television is an activity that requires little or no interaction. Watching television is a one way through activity. You get information that is transferred from the broadcasting. No interaction is usually involved in this process unless you talk some next to you while watching TV, but this is more close to socializing than watching TV. So, as soon as TV disappears, people will start looking for activities that requires more movement and interaction.
Also for the sake of the children, watching TV should be lessened, since television draws children away from the family. According to a study, conducted by University of Washington, children watch TV an average of four hours a day. This leaves little time for conversation with family. This not only reduces the “family time” but stunts the social growth, conversational skills. From various aspects, TV leaves nothing but ill effects to our lives.
There is no doubt that we can live without TV, and to increase our standards of well being, For instance, as for me, I was totally addicted to TV when I was in my elementary school years. It was a normal routine for me to start my day with TV and end with it. However after I stopped putting my time so much on TV, I realized there are many other things to do besides watching the black box! I read books, draw some paintings and helped with the house chores. This really improved my life, for I was able to broaden my view of the world by reading lots of books in various fields, and also I got compliments from my parents for helping them. Removing TV from your life definitely opens another gate to flourish your life. Therefore I think it’s essential to remove TV from our lives.