TV, one of my daily needs !
It is often said that watching television is a waste of time because it distracts people from work by making them addicted to it. However, I believe that TV is useful in my life because it improves my work efficiency. Watching TV can be a good source of entertainment. This is due to the fact that daily routines can make me stressed out and drain my enthusiasm. Thus, taking sufficient amounts of break from study or work can recharge me with fresh energy. This also encourages me to concentrate better on my tasks. For example, after a long day, I always turn on the TV to watch my favorite TV series including 'Sex and the City' and 'The Big Bang Theory' trying to relax. This is really helpful for me because it definitely relieves stress and recharge energy. Of course, I usually establish a proper TV watching time and try to stick to it. Regarding this, worries about too frequent exposure to it is not a big deal. For this reason, I think watching TV is essential for me to deal with high stress level and to work more efficiently.
Hi ! I'm Jae-hun Lee. I read your writing and I'll give some feedbacks.
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you use examples to explain why watching TV is good for you. By using examples, you can write more specific and express more details.
2. Your main point seems to be watching TV make you stressed out and drain your enthusiasm. I think this sentence : "Thus, taking sufficient amounts of break from study or work can recharge me with fresh energy." shows your main point.
3. Especially, using words like 'recharge' and 'essential' makes this writing powerful.
4. I think your writing has unity and coherence.
Thank you and I'll see you tomorrow.
Hi SunGyung! This is my comment on your writing^^
ReplyDeleteI really loved that the whole sentence is talking about you and your opinion. Not like others or mine this is really persuading because it really came from yourself.Choosing words like thus,for example,or of course has made your writing more smooth to read.I loved it.^^I also loved the title. I really liked your writing!!
Thanks for the fantastic work!
See you in class!!^*^
2nd draft
ReplyDeleteTV, one of my daily needs !
It is often said that watching television is a waste of time because it distracts people from work by making them addicted to it. However, I believe that TV is useful in my life because it improves my work efficiency. Watching TV can be a good source of entertainment. This is due to the fact that daily routines can make me stressed out and drain my enthusiasm. Thus, taking sufficient amounts of break from study or work by watching TV can recharge me with fresh energy. This also encourages me to concentrate better on my tasks. For example, after a long day, I always turn on the TV to watch my favorite TV series including 'Sex and the City' and 'The Big Bang Theory' trying to relax. This is really helpful for me because it definitely relieves stress and recharge energy. Of course, I usually establish a proper TV watching time and try to stick to it. Regarding this, worries about too frequent exposure to it is not a big deal. For this reason, I think watching TV is essential for me to deal with high stress level and to work more efficiently.
(This is my second draft considering two people's comments on it. There are not many changes except the point where I put 'by watching TV' to slightly improve coherence. I once considered to explicit whether I could live without it or not but I didn't because, in my opinion, I fully described the point by arguing that it's essential in my life.)