Televisions have become a big part of our lives nowadays. Many people enjoy watching them during spare time and not just for fun but for getting some information too. I am one of those people who like to watch television at home. What if televisions were taken away and we were to live without it? Could we live without televisions? My answer would be, yes, we can live without televisions but our lives would be so much different and uncomfortable. I used to live without televisions during high school because it was a boarding school and did not have them in dormitories. It sure is inconvenient due to lack of knowledge on social issues and trends. Televisions play an important role of conveying news and information because it has many advantages compared to other social media. It has sound and visual effects which help people to understand the content better. This merit cannot be replaced by any other media such as radio or newspaper. Not only that, televisions give people time to rest and forget about work. We can just sit and enjoy the programs with family or friends and have a good time together. Therefore, I believe televisions should be part of our lives.
To Eun Dana From Park Jae Hyun Assignment TV: Could you live without it?
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that it is persuasive. Although there was no specific guideline for this writing but I think that persuasive style writing is more appropriate under this topic, TV: Could you live without it? I don’t mean that writing his/her own experience under this topic is wrong. My point is that it is not a right or wrong matter but it is more appropriate or less appropriate matter. So I appreciate your choice of being persuasive most.
Your main point seems to be the fact that television is so deeply engaged in human’s life that people will feel hardship without TV. In particular your main point is clearly established in the latter half of writing.
These particular words or lines struck me as powerful: “Could we live without televisions? My answer would be, yes, we can live without televisions but our lives would be so much different and uncomfortable.” This part struck me really powerful. I’m not sure other peoples’ idea but this is really funny for me. I really want to ask you how you got this. You are really clever in this point. I think your choice is much better than writing just ‘we can’t live without televisions’. Let’s say there are two sides, one thinks we can’t live without TV another thinks we can live without TV. And each side is attacking its opponent. However you are taking both sides! How beautiful it is! Because of this your writing is more persuasive. Plus I like your flow of writing after ‘It sure is inconvenient due to lack of knowledge on social issues and trends.’ this sentence. You pointed out television’s strong point compared to radio and newspaper and it is so well organized and I really appreciate this.
Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved(meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):‘It sure is inconvenient due to lack of knowledge on social issues and trends.’ This line is not clear to me. I feel like this sentence is mistake rather than anything. Also I strongly feel the need of powerful connecting line between your dormitory experience and televisions’ strong points. However your current line seems that it doesn’t take its part even breaking your flow.
The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is putting more natural flow between your personal dormitory story and strong points of television? And I hope you better get rid of ‘Eun Dana’ from this writing. In order to be persuasive usually depending too much on your own story is generally not that effective. Mostly readers likely feel trouble in agreeing with you unless readers have similar experience of yours.
Anyway I enjoyed your writing very much. I feel that I also learned a lot through reviewing your writing. Thank you for giving me such a great opportunity and see you in class.
Hi, Dana! I'm Cho yoon jung!
ReplyDeleteI think your main point is, since TV gives us a lot of useful information than anyother media and offers us to have fun time with our friends and family members, you can't live without TV!
Also, I liked the sentence
"Could we live without televisions? My answer would be, yes, we can live without televisions but our lives would be so much different and uncomfortable.", I think you organized the sentence really well by asking question and getting the readers to wonder what might be going next.
The part I think you should improve is that since the question is "can YOU live without TV" I think, you could have focused more on your personal opinion rather than the general opinion! Or I think you can put some more personal examples more.
But anyway it was very nice writing! I liked it!
Televisions have become a big part of our lives nowadays. Many people enjoy watching them during spare time and not just for fun but for getting some information too. I am one of those people who like to watch television at home. What if televisions were taken away and we were to live without it? Could we live without televisions? My answer would be, yes, we can live without televisions but our lives would be so much different and uncomfortable. I used to live without televisions during high school because it was a boarding school and did not have them in dormitories. It sure is inconvenient due to lack of knowledge on social issues and trends. Because in Korean society, many culture trends are affected by dramas and shows. However, because we did not have televisions at school, we did not know what the hottest issue was. Not only that but also, televisions play an important role of conveying news and information because it has many advantages compared to other social media. It has sound and visual effects which help people to understand the content better. This merit cannot be replaced by any other media such as radio or newspaper. I watch news on television because it is more interesting and compared to that, newspapers are somewhat boring and dull. Not only that, televisions give people time to rest and forget about work. I can just sit and enjoy the programs with family or friends and have a good time together. Therefore, I believe televisions should be part of our lives.
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