There are many people who think that the television has a negative effect, and it has to be kept away from us as possible as we can. However, in my opinion, TV is one of the most important things to live a happy life. First, we can get rid of our stress while we watch the television. For example, my father watches a comedy show on TV with a laugh. He can ease stress and make him feel better because of it. TV works as a excellent stress buster. Second, we can get a lot of informations from it. We know how's the weather tomorrow, or what's going on to the other countries if we watch the news on the television. It can give us useful information which is necessary to live more comfortable. And finally, we can communicate with other people more easily. Because people often talk about the things which was presented in the television, it can be easier to hold a conversation with others as we know about the topic already. There are many things that we can earn from the television. We can't imagine the world without it, and it is necessary to live in this society.
To Jeong Hyen Joo from Sora Kim assignment 2.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that you write in order. For example, first, second and finally. It helped to keep focus on your writing and have unity.
Your main point seems to be can't live without TV. You express it with some examples.
Like I said I like the way organized your writing.
But I think your second and final opinion a little weak to support your main point. Because I can't agree with those. You should choose stronger opinion.
Thank you for your comment! As you said, I added more connections between the topic sentence and the supporting sentence. It will be easier to agree with these opinions.
ReplyDeleteThere are many people who think that the television has a negative effect, and has to be kept away from us as possible as we can. However, in my opinion, TV is one of the most important things to have if we want to live a happy and comfortable life. First, we can get rid of our stress while we watch the television. For example, my father watches a comedy show on TV every sunday. He really likes it, and always laugh while he watches the program. He can ease stress and make him feel better because of it. TV works as a excellent stress buster. Second, we can get a lot of informations from it. We can know how's the weather tomorrow, or what's going on to the other countries if we watch the news on the television. It can give us useful information which is necessary to live more comfortable life. And finally, we can communicate with other people more easily. Because people often talk about the things which was presented in the television, it can be easier to hold a conversation with others as we already know about the topic because we always watch TV. It is really useful if we want to live happily with other people. After all, there are many things that we can earn from the television. We can't imagine the world without it, and it is necessary to live in this society.