Today when I came back home tired after school, I went straight to my room to get some rest. When I opened the white wooden door to my room, the first thing I sensed was the cool scent of my perfume I use instead of air freshener. I saw my bookshelves, desk, dresser and wardrobe on the opposite side of the wall, all made of the same dark brown colored wood. On one side of the wall where my bookshelves were, I could see the novels and the small miniature souvenirs I lined up on each layer. I saw my puzzle boxes piled up above the bookshelves and my wardrobe which are located on each side of the wall, and wondered when I'll have the time to enjoy them. I looked down and I realized that my desk and dresser between the bookshelves and wardrobe were very messy. I had cosmetic products rolling around everywhere, since I forgot to tidy it up after before I did my makeup today. I cleaned the desk and accidently nudged the dolphin shaped mobile hanging on one of the drawers in the desk. It made a pretty jingling sound that made me feel peaceful and a bit drowsy. So I sat on my bed which was on the opposite side of my other furniture. My gray colored bedding with pink flower patterns were made of superfine fiber, so it was soft and warm, and made me even sleepier. I lied down and I looked at my frame right above my dresser filled with postcards and photo stickers. And then I looked at the wallpaper of my room which had clouds and colorful balloons drawn on it and thought it would be really nice if I could get away from this busy school life and go on a trip while I stared to doze off.
I forgot to write the class time on the title!
ReplyDeleteMON 9a.m.
I knew I had to write about describing a certain place, but it kind of turned out to be a story?
But I did try to describe my room as much as I can, so please give me some comments so that I can fix this:)
(I think I should write the whole thing differently and properly on the second draft;;)
Hi, this is Yun you jung.
ReplyDeleteAs I read your writing, I could imagine your room.
You used diverse senses like sight, smell, touch, and hearing. Also, your explains about location of the furniture make it more easier for me to visualize your room. And in this writing you also describe your behavior like cleaning the desk or sitting on bed. It is fresh expression and I like it because I just thought that I should describe only about the place itself. Through this expression which explain your behavior, I can visualize your room more vividly. But it's a shame that I can't find your thought or feeling about your room. If you add this, it would be better text. See you in the next class:-)
Draft 2
ReplyDeleteUsually when I come back from school I go straight to my room to have some private time. My room is right next to the living room, which used to be a little girl's room before we moved in. The first thing I can sense when I open the white wooden door to my room is the cool scent of my perfume I use as an air freshener. Then I can see my bookshelf, desk, dresser, and wardrobe. They are all made of the same dark brown colored wood, occupying one side of the wall. I filled my bookshelf with novels and I decorated each layer with some miniature souvenirs I bought when I was traveling. On top of my bookshelf and wardrobe, which are located on each corner of the wall, puzzle boxes are piled up till the ceiling. I started collected these puzzles since I was little and I enjoy them when I have free time. Right next to the bookshelf there is my desk, which is always quite messy. I keep forget to tidy my desk after I do my makeup, so I always clean it up when I come back from school. Like my bookshelf, my desk is also decorated with souvenirs. But the one that outstands is a dolphin shaped mobile that is hanging on one of the desk drawers. It makes a pretty jingling sound when I nudge it, making me feel peaceful. When I'm done tiding my desk, I lay down on my bed which is on the opposite side of my other furniture. My bedding, colored in gray with pink flower patterns, is made of superfine fiber. It's so soft and warm; I always doze off when I lie there. From the bed I often look at the wooden frame right above the dresser, which is filled with postcards and photo stickers. And I look at my wallpaper, which has clouds and colorful balloons drawn all over. When I look at the frame and my wallpaper I just get the feeling to go traveling. I love my room because it gives me my once space and I can feel relaxed. Being so busy these days and not having enough relaxation, I feel the preciousness of my room even more.