Looking back on 21 years of my life, I think I have lived one of the most common lives which Koreans can have. I was born in Daegu, the hottest city in Korea, as the first son of my parents. Two years later, my sister was born. I spent most of my childhood on hanging out with my family and neighbors. I used to play school with them a lot even before I was old enough to be a student. During the play, my role was always a teacher. I loved to teach and to be a teacher. I still don't have any ideas why I wanted to be a teacher and still want to be a teacher. However, since I was very young, I have always hoped to be a teacher. I didn't even know what to teach at that time, but I just loved teaching. At the age of 12, I started to go to church, where I could learn English for the first time in my life, through many native missionaries. Affected by them, I entered Daegu foreign language high school, and there, I could confirm my goals to be an English teacher. After graduating high school, I decided to major in English Education to accomplish what I have dreamed for more than ten years. And, I chose English Interpretation and Translation as my second major to improve my English skills and fluency.
Hi, tak-gyun! This is Jae-Hun Lee. And I'll give some feedback on your writing.
ReplyDelete1. What I like the most about your writing is that paragraph is conducted in accordance with the time sequence. So I think it has a flow by time.
2. Your main point seems to be since you play in the school, You want to become a English teacher.
3. I think whole sentence in the paragraph is clear and give precise meaning.
Thanks and see you tomorrow~
What I like about his piece of writing is that you described your life in a very interesting way, considering the fact that it may have gotten boring. However I think it would be a much greater job if you have used appropriate words in you wiriting. For example, "first son" doesn't quite ring the bell. You may use the oldest son, or the only son. However you have a sister so "the oldest son" will be the exact word. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHi this is ChaiHyun Nah from your monday writing class:)
ReplyDeleteWhat I like most in this piece of writing is that it explains your life in time order.
However, you talk about 'wanting to become a teacher' too often. The phrases are repeated unnecessarilly. And your thesis sentece is not restated in the conclusion of your paragraph.
Nice work. See you on monday!
Looking back on 21 years of my life, I think I have lived one of the most common lives which Koreans can have. I was born in Daegu, the hottest city in Korea, in 1992. Two years later, my sister was born. I spent most of my childhood on hanging out with my family and neighbors. I used to play school with them a lot even before I was old enough to be a student. During the play, my role was always a teacher. I loved to teach and to be a teacher. I still don't have any ideas why I wanted to and still want to so much. Since I was very young, however, I have always hoped to. I didn't even know what I would teach then, but I just loved teaching. At the age of 12, I started to go to church, where I could learn English for the first time in my life, through many native missionaries. Affected by them, I entered Daegu foreign language high school, and there, I could confirm my goals to be an English teacher. After graduating high school, I decided to major in English Education to accomplish what I have dreamed for more than ten years. And, I chose English Interpretation and Translation as my second major to improve my English skills and fluency. It might seem nothing special about my life. No experiences abroad, big accidents, nor severe hardships. On the contrary, my life can also be said to be lucky and stable. I have had my dream, and tried hard to make it. That's why I am fully satisfied with my life today and can't wait for the future to be shown.
ReplyDelete