A good gift
There are several choices that are hard to make in our lives, and I think choosing a gift is definitely one of them. This topic reminds me of a book that I have given to my Russian professor. It was around the teacher’s day two years ago. Celebrating the special day for teachers, I wanted to give a special present for my favorite professor from Russia. Although I am a practical person, I thought it would be very awkward to ask him what he wanted to get, so I needed to decide what to buy. First, I looked for information about gifts on the Internet. There I found some theories about gift: what kind of gift is suitable for each occasion, who loves what gifts, taboos of gifts in certain countries, favorable gifts by different age groups, and so on, but none of them was useful. Still, at least, I found out that it is not usual to give flowers to men. If I had not known it, and bought some carnations for him, he would have been puzzled by my tactless present. Next, I deliberately recall what he was interested in. I tried to remember what we had talked about. I came up with that he was writing a thesis about proverbs of various nations. I thought a book about Korean proverbs would be a special memory of Korea, as well as a useful material for his current study. Then, I went to a huge bookstore to see if there is a good book on Korean proverbs, written in English. There were some proverb dictionaries, but those were not what I wanted to buy; those were mainly textbooks written for the students learning Korean language. After that, I asked one of my friends, who majored in education Korean language as a foreign language, where I could get an old-versioned, but academic Korean proverb dictionary. She introduced a book, which I wanted to buy. Finally, I went to another bookstore, and found the last one in the corner of the bookshelf. When I gave it to my professor, he was happy with it, and said that was exactly what he needed. It was so difficult to decide and find a good gift for him, but when I saw he was satisfied and grateful for my gift, I felt even happier than him.
To ANYeonju From Jae Hyun Park Assignment A process paragraph that explains the steps for choosing a special gift for someone you love.
ReplyDelete1, What I like about this piece of writing is your sincerity in this overall writing. I feel your writing style is close to general conversation which I like. It is much easy to read and easy to draw a specific, vivid scene in my mind as I read your writing. Keep working!
2,The changes you could make that would make improvements in this piece of writing is making your writing short. For one paragraph, your current writing is quite long. I think this is because your writing too much tends to be conversation style. For example “There are several choices that are hard to make in our lives, and I think choosing a gift is definitely one of them. This topic reminds me of a book that I have given to my Russian professor. “These two sentences are your introductory part, but I feel these can be one sentence. And generally it would be better if your writing is improved to be a more process oriented writing, because common goal of this piece of writing is to write a process paragraph while your current one is close to free style essay for me. And finally I think you can improve your title. Current one is too boring. Try to be specific! It would be much more interesting.
3, Topic sentence: There are several choices that are hard to make in our lives, and I think choosing a gift is definitely one of them. This topic reminds me of a book that I have given to my Russian professor. These two sentences are your topic sentences. And as a conversation it would be good, but saying again as writing it is little bit long.
4, Supporting sentence: Your supporting sentences generally illustrates your process and your concern about buying gift. This part makes me funny and I think you are cute! But saying again, these are little bit long. In my opinion, reading a book about giving present can be removed since this is turned out to be useless thing.
5, Concluding sentence: “When I gave it to my professor, he was happy with it, and said that was exactly what he needed. It was so difficult to decide and find a good gift for him, but when I saw he was satisfied and grateful for my gift, I felt even happier than him.” These two sentences are your concluding sentences. And personally I feel they are good enough. But as according to editor’s checklist I found that your concluding sentences do not offer a suggestion or warning to help the reader d the task more easily. I leave this comment so you can check later. I feel your current one is still good.
See you in class~
A good gift
ReplyDeleteThere are several choices that are hard to make in our lives, and I think choosing a gift is definitely one of them. This topic reminds me of a book that I have given to my Russian professor. It was around the teacher’s day two years ago. Celebrating the special day for teachers, I wanted to give a special present for my favorite professor from Russia. Although I am a practical person, I thought it would be very awkward to ask him what he wanted to get, so I needed to decide what to buy. First, I looked for information about gifts for foreigners on the Internet. There I found some theories about gift: what kind of gift is suitable for each occasion, who loves what gifts, taboos of gifts in certain countries, favorable gifts by different age groups, and so on, but none of them was useful. Still, at least, I found out that it is not usual to give flowers to men in Western countries. If I had not known it, and bought some carnations for him, he would have been puzzled by my tactless present. Next, I deliberately recall what he was interested in. I tried to remember what we had talked about. I came up with that he was writing a thesis about proverbs of various nations. I thought a book about Korean proverbs would be a special memory of Korea, as well as a useful material for his current study. Then, I went to a huge bookstore to see if there is a good book on Korean proverbs, written in English. There were some proverb dictionaries, but those were not what I wanted to buy; those were mainly textbooks written for the students learning Korean language. After that, I asked one of my friends, who majored in education Korean language as a foreign language, where I could get an old-versioned, but academic Korean proverb dictionary. She introduced a book, which I wanted to buy. Finally, I went to another bookstore, and found the last one in the corner of the bookshelf. When I gave it to my professor, he was happy with it, and said that was exactly what he needed. It was so difficult to decide and find a good gift for him, but when I saw he was satisfied and grateful for my gift, I felt even happier than him.
'taboos of gifts in certain countries'
ReplyDeleteWe know people depend of their countries' tradition, but it is hard to really, actually, practically consider and respect theirs. but you could. and you applied on your daily affairs.
I respect you. and i enjoyed what you wrote. Thanks.