| (Introduction to Academic Writing (1)) Mon.12 Jon H. Bahk-Halberg Park Jae Hyun(박재현)201101411 Due date: 2012/5/24 Topic: An opinion paragraph on the topic, What is the best job for you? Why? You can even make job for your own Look dream beyond dream. 'I dream for working in Apple.' 'I really want to be a Samsung man.' These are some phrases that you can easily hear in campus. For them, having a certain job is dream, setting aside what will they are going to do after getting certain job. However, I'd say that job is rather closer to an equipment to fulfill dream. My dream is to be the world best Indonesia expert. Plus, my dream beyond dream is to improve relation between Republic of Korea and Indonesia and develop Indonesia in unique way for Indonesia, not just following global standard. For this, I could work for a Korean government, even I could work for Indonesian government, I could work in private company or I could teach in school. Important thing is being the person who is needed for important occasions such as concluding agreement between two countries or getting advice for setting policy. I am not the person who only cares about individual reputation or wealth. I will take a stance truly for Indonesia and its people. For example I will join process of concluding agreement between Indonesia and Korea companies, suggesting contents of contract to be win-win for both countries in a long run. As I consider that a tendency of unfair contract by some Korean companies with Indonesian companies is being recognized, for example Korean companies taking 8 of benefits leaving only 2 to Indonesian side, I really want to correct this because Indonesian people are not fool. They will leave Korea after gaining what they want as long as this unfair situation lasts. By improving it to be half-half or at least making it somewhat fairer, Korea will get a trustworthy friend in a long term. In conclusion, for me best job is not selecting what the world already has. I work under various titles and as long as it is required, I will create a new form of job. |
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Jae Hyun Park/ An opinion paragraph on the topic, What is the best job for you? Why?/Mon 9am
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Hi, I'm Sora.
ReplyDeleteI think you had a problem when you posted this writing. But I read it all, actually I can't understand what are you talking about. What's the point? You wanna be teacher in Indonesia? Or Businessman? Maybe you wrote your topic clearly. But your explanation wasn't clear.
Hi this Kim Ji Su.
ReplyDeleteYour posted your writing in a wrong way;; ;so I had to copied the whole writing and pasted in memopad. However anyway I read it ^^
Yeay for me haha
First, I can understand what you are trying to say. You seemed to
be a person who devoted to a more greater deed rather than to be a part of other big companies. I can not agree more on that.
I am also very skeptical to the idea of students having; entering the major big companies in Korea.
However I think you have lacked of words and sentences to deliver your meaning. I know what you are trying say, but I was very hard to interpret what you really mean. Maybe draw a mind map before you start your writing, or a simple draft would be fine.
Even though it is a paragraph writing I recommend you to divide the whole ideas by introduction-body-conclusion.
It would deifinetly help your writing to stay on line.
I like your efforts to try sensitive issues and it is deifinetly not cliche. I hope you keep on your writing like that. I think it can really inspire other students as well.
Thank you.
(Introduction to Academic Writing (1)) Mon.12
ReplyDeleteJon H. Bahk-Halberg
Park Jae Hyun(박재현)201101411
Draft 2
Topic: An opinion paragraph on the topic, What is the best job for you? Why?
Don’t Need To Be Categorized By Job
-You can create your job by yourself-
‘I dream for working in Apple.’ ‘I really want to be a Samsung man.’ These phrases can be heard easily in campus. However, not even considering what they are going to do after getting certain job is dangerous. I’d say that job is just equipment to real dream. My dream is to be the world best Indonesia expert. In particular, one who try to improve Republic of Korea-Indonesia relationship. For this, maybe I could work for a Korean government or Indonesian government. In some cases I could work in private company or I could teach in school. Important point in here is being necessary figure in various occasions such as concluding agreement between two countries or setting national policy. Personal reputation or wealth is not that important to me. I will just what I can do that is truly for Indonesia and its people. For example, if I join process of concluding agreement between Indonesia and Korea companies, I would suggest a way of win-win for both countries in a long term instead of seeking short term benefit just for one side. By doing so, Korea will get a trustworthy partnership in the fierce competitive world. In conclusion, for me best job is not selecting what the world already has. I will keep seeking dream beyond dream no matter how the job titles are. The matter is what I do, not how I will be categorized by job’s name.