(Introduction to Academic Writing (1)) Mon.12Jon H. Bahk-HalbergPark Jae Hyun(박재현)201101411 Due date: 2012/5/31 Topic: A narrative paragraph about a challenge you faced The Happiest Moment Turns To The Worst Moment For the first time in my 21 year long life, I confessed my love to one girl. I thought I found a perfect girl. Her eyes were as big as deer, and she had long black silk like hair. Besides her beauty, what I liked most is the fact that she is very talkative like sparrow. For me, just hearing her talking was amusing as I am a quite quiet person. One day I called her at late night and took her to the Yeoido. It was after mid-term during Yeoideo cherry blossom festival. Nightscape was very romantic. One side was dark Han River little splashing like a sea, and the another side was light from metropolitan tall buildings. We took a walk and talked for about 30 minutes. The more I talked with her the more I believed that she was one that I was looking for. The more I looked into her twinkling eyes the more I thought that I would regret if I miss her. "I have really important thing to tell you. Can you guess?" I said, smiling. "What? I hope that is different from what I expect." She said with little bit quivering voice. "Until high school years, I always thought that love is obstacle of my study and my dream. Even in the first year of university I thought same. However living alone apart from family is harder than I expected. I am experiencing emotionally hard time. I feel there are no true friends and also no one who really cares me. I hope to get a productive energy by loving you, so that I can go further. I love you." I said. She kept silence and left. What makes me even harder is that she treats me like a stranger after the day. My first love is crashed. Only way left is study and my dream. |
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Jae Hyun Park/A narrative paragraph about a challenge you faced/Mon 9am
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Hi, Jae Hyeon! I'm cho yoon jung from your class!
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry for your story!!
But I think you can soon meet someone who really loves you!
Through the first sentence and second sentence, I can find out what you are going to say!
Your writing is very descriptive and well-organized. But I think you can improve your wrting through adding a sentence in the end. I think it feels like finish it too rapidly!
Thx for sharing your story!
Hi. This is Lee Myungjae.
ReplyDeleteItㅇwas veru sad story. Thank you for your courage to share it. Well the part i most liked for your writing was that it was full of description and illustration. i think you considered the tip for writing professor gave us before. Especially l liked the lines you described how she looked like and talked. They gave specific information so ot was easy to imagine her on my mind.
(Introduction to Academic Writing (1)) Mon.12
ReplyDeleteJon H. Bahk-Halberg
Park Jae Hyun(박재현)201101411
Draft2
Topic: A narrative paragraph about a challenge you faced
Happiest Moment Turns To Worst Moment
For the first time in my 21 year long life, I confessed my love to a girl. Her eyes were as big as deer, and she had long black hair like shiny silk. Her charming point is her loud laughter. She opens mouth so big that she may not notice a fly flying into her mouth. Besides her beauty, what I liked most is the fact that she is very talkative like sparrow. For me, just hearing her talking was amusing because I am a quite quiet person. One day I called her at late night and took her to the Yeoido. It was during Yeoideo cherry blossom festival. Nightscape was very romantic. At the right side, there was dark Han River little splashing like a sea, and at the left side there was light from metropolitan tall buildings. We walked slowly while talking for about 30 minutes. The more I talked with her the more I believed that she was the one that I was looking for. The more I looked into her twinkling eyes the more I thought that I would regret if I miss her. “I have really important thing to tell you. Can you guess?” I said, smiling. “What?” She said. “I always thought that love is obstacle of my study and my dream. However living alone apart from family is harder than I expected. I am experiencing emotionally hard time. There are no true friends and also no one who really cares me. I hope to get a productive energy by loving you, so that I can go further. I love you.” I said. She kept silence and left. After that, what makes me even harder is that she treats me like a stranger. My first love is completely crashed.