Is it a good idea to live with relatives?
Have you ever had a chance to live with your relatives? Not your grandparents but your aunts or uncles and their children. This could be an exciting thing for some of you but I disagree with the idea of living with relatives. Relatives are part of a family but they are quite different from the family members that you have been living your life together-your parents and your siblings. Living with relatives can be uncomfortable and difficult sometimes because of the following reasons. Relatives might have different life style or pattern. As they are from different backgrounds, their values and perspectives can differ from you a lot. This can lead to some trouble or misunderstanding between each other and eventually this might drive a wedge between you and your relatives. I once had to live with my uncle's family when I stayed in Seoul preparing for university entrance exam. It was not terrible but I have to say that it was not that great either. Their life style was totally different from my family's life style. Everything was not organized, they were likely to have a meal irregularly, and they would put their clothes everywhere that I could not find my own clothes later on. This might sound very trivial but you have no idea how stressing this difference can be. Moreover, when you live with your relatives, it is hard to take care of the financial issues. As I mentioned, relatives are from different backgrounds so they might have jobs that earn less or more money. Then you might have trouble with spending because their values can be different from what you think when they go shopping. This can also become an obstacle for you and your relatives and before you know, you might have hurt each other's feelings. For all these reasons, I believe that living with relatives is not a good idea.
To Eun Dana From Jae Hyun Park Assignment Write an opinion paragraph on the topic, Is it a good idea to live with relatives?
ReplyDelete1,What I like about this piece of writing is introduction part. I think your writing is really great. As I reviewed other 8 writings including yours, you are the best one. Wow, I envy you. How could you write so well? I feel like that anyone who read this probably may do not want to live with relatives.
2,Your main point seems to be that living with relatives is not a good idea. It is clear and well established.
3,These particular words or lines struck me as powerful
Have you ever had a chance to live with your relatives? Not your grandparents but your aunts or uncles and their children. This could be an exciting thing for some of you but I disagree with the idea of living with relatives.
Overall I really like your writing however in particular I like your introduction part. Considering that introduction part of writing is just like opinion of presentation, the part where reader’s attention is very high. Your introduction part really makes me want to finish reading rest of your writing. Especially I think opening your writing with question is good choice, inviting readers to read your writing.
4, Some things aren’t clear to me.
Moreover, when you live with your relatives, it is hard to take care of the financial issues.
In this part, I feel little bit problem regarding financial issues. Through following sentences I could reach what you wanted to say but financial issue is too big word for this. Humm.. You can search it by yourself and you can probably find out that this term goes along with organizations such as private company.
5,The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is revealing yourself more! I’m not sure whether you really lived with your relatives or you just made up. If it is true story why don’t you give us some more stories? I’m definitely not saying that your current work is short, but adding some more your own stories can make this writing more interesting.
Your writing is great! See you in class.
Hi, Dana. This is Ji-young from writing class. You stated your opinion about the topic on the topic sentence. You wrote that you disagree with the idea of living with relatives. Your writing were very persuasive because you added your personal experience living with your uncle's family. I see it must be uncomfortable to live with people who have different life style. I liked that you gave details like your uncle's family tend to have a meal irregularly. Your concluding sentence restated your idea well. You used because of and because correctly. Also there were no mistakes in capitalizing the first letter of each sentence and putting end punctuation at the end. It was nice work, Dana. See you in class!
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