When I was a high school student about three years ago, I went to Busan with my friends for trip. We were supposed to look around the downtown in the afternoon and go to the sea in the evening. In fact, that was almost my first trip to the sea. Because I had lived in Daegu for a life where there is no sea. So that was the same case for most of my friends. We were so excited to go to the sea and play there. In the evening, we sat on the beach watching the waters flowing silently with breeze and drinking beer. We talked and drank facing the sea. After about an hour, we all came back to the house we were supposed to stay for the night. It was late and we were a little drunk. And we all fell asleep. Next morning, we woke up. Packing all the stuffs and being ready to leave, one of us noticed that a friend of ours was missing. We were all surprised and ran out to find the one. Following the trace, we finally got to the beach where we had spent the night before. All of us were panicked and hurried to find him. Then, one of us shouted from apart. We all ran to him and there lied the missed one. Half of his body was in the water and the other half on the land. We shook him to wake him up. He opened his eyes and spat out his first words. "Where's my beer?" Then, we all could relieve and laugh. Now we can say this with laughter, but remembering then, it was one of the desperate moments in my life.
It was a funny story, thanks.
ReplyDeleteBut it would be better if you reduce some sentences that say how you and your friends were excited by the first trip to the sea of Busan. I think just one of two sentecese can convey your excitement enough. Now, sorry for the words but, your discription of your excitement is little bit boring.
And I think you can tell use how many friends you were with. It is not an important detail, but in terms of the skill "Pinning down",it's better to be more detail.
Hi. This is Lee Myungjae.
ReplyDeleteYour story was impressive. It really worths sharing. It has background information and the way how the incident happened went very clearly and specifically. Especially i liked the parts you described how peacefully and enjoyablely you spent the time at the shore before you missed one of your friend. That made the level of strain more sharp in the back.
There's no parts that i didnt like, but i suggest you be careful when you use the word play. As professor said, we adult dont actually 'play'. its kind of children word. So 'hang around'or 'enjoy time ' would be better. Thanks for your writing see you in class.