The Teacher Whom I Depend On
We meet a lot of teacher in our lives. But not all of them remain in our hearts. I've met this one teacher in my 3rd grade of high school and she's the one who will remain in my heart forever. Because since the day I've met her, my life has been totally changed. She was my German teacher and I really liked her from the start. She was always cheerful and full of pride in a good way. Whenever I had problems I went to her and she always gave me the best answer. It was beginning of my senior year and like other students I was afraid to step into the life of preparing for University entrance. I was in dilemma of choosing what to study in the future; like the trend of society, should I go for the management? Or should I go for majoring in linguistics as my interest lies on? I asked this question to people I know and most of the answers were like "Of course the management! It would be helpful when you apply for a job". Then I went to my favorite teacher, Ms. Kim and she answered with mild smile on her face. "I used to work at Siemens a year ago. I was in charge of many projects. As you know I studied German and English back in university, not management. I got the job not according to my major but my ability." She looked in my eyes and continued. "Not everyone gets a job that follows what they have learned in the university, who does so is very few. I used to have same worries like you had but I chose to trust myself". By telling me this she assured me it's okay to follow my interests and also that the power that makes you outstanding is to have faith in yourself. Other than that I always asked her for solutions whenever I had problems. She always helped me to choose what's best for me and for my mind. For weeks I've been depressed and got bored with everything. I've been thinking that I can't get through all these burdens on my shoulder. But last week I got a phone call from Ms. Kim and we decided to meet up soon. Just by thinking of seeing her it gave me strength to go through.
Hi, this is Ji-young from writing class. I am glad that you have a teacher that you can rely on so much. I like that you gave an anecdote that tells how your teacher cheered you up. But I think it will be better to describe the first day you met her.
ReplyDeleteSee you in the class!
Hi MinKyung, this is SunGyung Kim and thanks for sharing your wonderful story about the teacher you like the mose.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I really liked that you elabarated a story, which is somewhat difficult to simply picturate. The story and main point has something to do with your emotions, and so I think it must be a difficult job, but it seems you did well.
However, in the same context, it is a little bit hard to point out what's the mail point. I guess this is because your topic sentence is weak. It would be better if you cut out some unnecessary things in the beggining part of the paragraph, and make the topic sentence conspicuous. Other things are small grammatical errors, so I decided not to correct those.
Thanks. :)
Hello, this is Takgyun!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, this paragraph is well organized and elaborated. Your main topic seems to be introduction of your best teacher. You used examples and quotations to pin down to the topic. That was very nice. It helped readers clarify the reasons why she is admired. However, I think it would be better if you make it more simple. Several things are repeated in different words. You can prune your writing and eliminate repeated parts and make it clear! Thank you for sharing your paragraph and see you in class!