We meet a lot of teachers in our life. Some of are good and some are bad. Good teachers are passionate and friendly to their students. However, bad teachers are lazy in preparing classes and discriminates their students such as for grades.
Among those teachers, I still remember one teacher the most. I met her in my fourth grades in elementary school years.
The reason why she's so memorable is the fact that she was very friendly to us. She never used strict teaching methods. Rather she tried to talk with us and share our ideas and thoughts with her. Also She gave us Chocolate caramel cookies, jelly beans, candy sticks and so on. Her clothes smelled like freshly baked cookies because she always carried a bag full of candies and sweets. So whenever she passes by my friends and I were fascinated by her smell. We sniffed and sniffed as if we were like puppies.
She gave the sweets to us when we actively participated in class. We raised hands, shouting "Me! Me! Me!!!!" to get her attention. I still rejoice the moment I got the answer right. I was so excited because the cookie she gives to us were really delicious.
All the students wanted to taste the scrumptious candy bars and treats.
Whenever she said, "Okay class, I'm on my way to my sweetie bag.", all of our eyes started to sparkle like a star in the night sky. Our hands were tightened and our mouths became watery. Our little hearts started pounding like a full speed running train. So we all participated in the class a lot. Our class was always full of joy and laughter. Thanks to the effort of my teacher. She really dedicated herself in to the class and to her students.
Although it happened a long time ago, I can't forget my fourth grades in school years because of the teacher. Whenever I see some chocolate cookies or other treats, I always remind her and want to see her.
Hi, I'm yoon jung from your class!
ReplyDeleteI think the sentence "Among those teachers, I still remember one teacher the most." I think you could specify it by mentioning whether the teacher you remember is good or bad. Though you will mention it later in the paragraph, but it could be better if you write it in the front part of the writing.
I like your example very much. It is so vivid and live! I can imagine exactly what you are talking.
Also, your quotation was very nice! It is simple but can express your teacher very well.
Thx for sharing your nice writing!:D
To Jeong Hyen Joo, Yun Yoo Jung, Kim Ji Su From Jae Hyun Park Assignment Pinning it Down writing (Exercise B)
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is its’ overall way of descriptions. I think this writing has enough EquIPments. I can recognize examples, quotations, illustrations and particulars. Wow, I’m pretty impressed.
2. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful: Generally your descriptions and usage of words are unique and funny making readers want to read your writing more and more. And some really grabbed my eyes such as ‘We sniffed and sniffed as if we were like puppies.’ And ‘…pounding like a full speed running train.’ In particular I liked these lines among the others because I could feel that you really tried to make it vivid or tried to pin it down. These are making your writing vividly.
3. The changes you could make that would make improvements in this piece of writing are putting somewhat nice title on this and fixing your writing into word limit on this. Remember our professor already mentioned that this exercise should be around 150words besides this one over 330 words. I’d say that making something vivid may require long lines, but there is limitation.
Overall in my opinion there are not so many to pick. Your writing is great. See you in class~
Hi, I'm Jae-Hun Lee.
ReplyDeleteI like your writing, your writing has all the EQUIP points and I like that you explain some examples in the middle of your writing.
See you next class~
Hi. This is Lee Myungjae.
ReplyDeleteI was really impressed by your teacher. She had a great personality and a good method of teaching for young students. Your writing is full of sensory illustraions and specific examples. I could even imagine the smell of cookies and drawed her image in my mind. but I guess some parts could have cut and modifed to strengthen your writing. First of all, in the introductive part, I think illustration on bad teachers dosen't need actually. It brought confusion with the very next sentence 'Among those teachers...' because it seemed like you are going to talk about bad teachers so on. Also, you wrote 'Rather she tried to talk with us and share our ideas and thoughts with her.' but below you focused on stories related chocolate and her kindness, and didn't mention on how she shared ideas and thoughts with students. I guess those parts above could be more organized. Thank you for sharing your writing. See you!
Hi, this is Youn Hee!
ReplyDeleteI think you used the entire EQuIP thing on your paragraph. But I think that it would be better if you added more quotations to be more specific. I liked that you put lots of examples and particulars. I liked to read your paragraph, it was very lively! Especially, the part that you described the scent of the teacher’s clothes: I love cookies!! Also, I could feel like the students of the fourth grades. Your writing made me to remember of my elementary school years.
Thanks and see you in class!! :)
"We sniffed and sniffed as if we were like puppies",
ReplyDelete"All of our eyes started to sparkle like a star in the night sky",
"Our little hearts started pounding like a full speed running train".
Wow, you guys are really perfect at simile!
with the various expression, I was so attracted into your writing.
the sweetness is centered in the writing, and it was so agreeable when i remind of my young hood.
Thanks your frankly truthful story.