Birthday Present for a Guy Friend
Last February, it was few days before my friend's birthday and I had no idea what to buy him. Since I went to middle school and high school only for girls, I had very few guy friends. It was my first time to get a guy friend a birthday present. Among all the presents I gave to others, this was the most challenging one for me. I think a present should be useful to someone you give the present. I thought the first way to get somebody a present is to know his/her needs. So I started to think what he needed and looked up on our messages to get some hunch about it. Suddenly the fact that he's living alone and he rarely takes breakfast popped up in my head. I decided to help him with that. After choosing what to give him, the next step was easy; Choosing where to shop! I went to grocery store. I knew that living alone means lots of skipped meals because there are too much to do to prepare a proper meal. So I chose things simple and quick to eat such things like cereals or ramen noodles. I also grabbed some rice for him to cook and eat. When you are buying someone something to eat you should know whether he/she is allergic to anything. Some people are very sensitive on some kind of things like nuts or seafood. The last step was to give him this but it was a full box and too much for me to carry to school from my house. So I went to post office, packed the whole thing in a box and wrote his address on the top. After all, he was very pleased to have what I got him for birthday. It was very hard to think of what to get a guy friend a birthday present. But I think it went well.
Hi, I'm Yeonju An. Thank you for your interesting paragraph.
ReplyDelete1. Does the topic sentence tell what the task is? Yes, it does. Your task was to buy a birthday present for your first guy friend.
2. Does the topice sentence contain a controlling idea? Yes. You wrote about the present, of which you had not had any idea.
3. Do the supproting sentences include a sequence of steps that give detailed information, background details, and the tools needed for the task? Yes. But, I think you can improve your detail information in the second step: choosing where to shop. Tell us where you chose, why and how...
4. Your sentences are following the time order, so the paragraph was logical and understandable.
5. You didn't use any imperative here. But, I don't think you needed to.
6. You used proper modals: should for an advice.
7. Your conclusion doesn't offer any suggestion or warning. It will be better if you try to make a suggestive conclusion.
Hi, this is SunGyung Kim and this is my comment on your paragraph.
Delete1. Does the topic sentence tell what the task is? Yes, you have a good topic sentence. It shows your buying a birthday present for your male friend.
2. Does the topice sentence contain a controlling idea? Yes., your topic was a present and the controlling idea is that's kind of a difficult task for you.
3. Do the supproting sentences include a sequence of steps that give detailed information, background details, and the tools needed for the task? Yes, and I really liked the way you gave all the details. They were appropriate for the paragraph and helped my understanding. Regarding tools needed for the task, I think you didn't have to inclode the point, and so it is okay to omit this.
4. In your paragraph, the flow is really good, thanks to the fact that you followed the time order.
5. In terms of imperative sentences, it seems okay to not use those because those don't have something to do with your topic.
7. the concluding sentence in this paragraph doesn't offer any suggestion or warning. It sounds too normal so it would be better if you change it.