A Special Gift
Personally I believe that a gift showing my sincere concerns is more special and valuable than to just costly things. For this reason, I think a piece of labored letter is the best gift in a sense that it needs some time and endeavor to make. A sincere letter is also more touching than any other ones. For me, I have a good memory to share such letters with one of my friend. Actually, it started from my friend. About 6 months ago, I had a tough time worrying too much about my future and myself. I felt I was weak and hopeless, but there was nobody to talk to frankly because everybody looked busy with their concerns. One day I could not stand the situation and poured out all my worries to my friend because I knew he went over many hardships in his life. He listened to me for a long time, and expressed some sort of sympathy. A month passed away, and my birthday came. He handed over a small note to me as a present. Surprisingly, it was the bundle of short letters. Each letter was full of advice and encouragement for his staggering friend. I was so moved that read the whole letters in one night. After I finished them, I decided to write back. So I started to reply to his letters one by one. They were about 30 pieces, and it took several days to complete them. When I gave my letters, he was so pleased saying he didn't expect the same form of gift. The letters we shared are like a treasure to me. They make me encouraged whenever I feel struck, and I hope my letters are also alike to him.
Hi, I am Kim you jin. this is your comment.
ReplyDeleteyour writing describe well about your background why you give a letter and why you think letter is the best thing for gift. and your topic sentence and concluding sentece match well. also, you wrote many details well. however i think it is rather out of STEP writing. i thinkg it is just about what you like as a gift. it is lack of time order words and directions and instructions to readers. it will be better to add those that i mentioned above. and also if you use modals to express advice and necessity, it can be better. thank you !!
Hi, this is Ji-young from the writing class and here is my comment on your writing.
ReplyDeleteYour topic sentence seems to be : For this reason, I think a piece of labored letter is the best gift in a sense that it needs some time and endeavor to make. The topic sentence ells what the task is and contains a controlling idea. You capitalized the first letter of each sentence and put end punctuation at the end.
But I don't see any sequence of steps so I don't think it's a process paragraph. I think you could write a process paragraph about how to write moving letters that is much worthier than material things. See you in class bye.
#Revised one ( Lee Myungjae)
ReplyDeleteA Special Gift
Personally I believe that a gift showing my sincere concerns is more special and valuable than to just costly things. For this reason, I think a piece of labored letter is the best gift in a sense that it needs some time and endeavor to make. A sincere letter is also more touching than any other ones. If you want to make a good memory to share such letters with one of my friend, follow three steps. First, listen to your friend and find what your frined is worried about. It can be his or her future or love. We all know we have a lot of worries in mind but cannot talk open to our friends. Find it with your attention. He listened to me for a long time, and expressed some sort of sympathy. Second, prepare a sheet of paper and write a letter on it whenever you come to think of good advice or stories for her. It donesn't need too serious or long, but you have to be honest and labored. Then put it aside and make another until you had 13~15 letters of it. Finally, put those letters together and make a bundle of letters. Each letter would be full of advice and encouragement for your staggering friend. Give it to your friend. I bet she or he will be so moved that read the whole letters in one night! Maybe your friend don't expect those form of gift becuase thesedays we rarely share letters. So, it could be more special gift for your friend.