The city of beautiful nature: Je-ju Island
I think that Je-Ju island is the best city to live in. So if I have opportunity, I want to live in Je-ju Island. According to <Si-sa Journal> (One of the weekly magazine in South Korea)'s research which is based on 2010 Population and housing census and the National Statistical Office's e-local indicators, Je-Ju Island is the area that has the most quality of life among nationwide 16 cities and provinces. Je-ju Island is famous for its beautiful scenery and nature environment. In the middle of je-ju Island, there is the Halla Mountain which is the highest mountain in South Korea. And throughout the island, there are many O-reums (the Je-ju dialect) which mean parasitic volcano. The sea of Jeju lsland has different scenery and atmosphere unlike the East-sea or the South-sea. When a high school excursion, I visited Je-ju Island. It was so impressive that Je-ju Island has beautiful scenery like the Jeong-bang waterfall and the Sung-san sunrise peak. Life of city is too tired because we are so busy and the city always crowd with many people. So escape from the city, I believe it is truly happy life that live in beautiful scenery like Je-ju Island.
Hi JaeHun! this is SunGyung Kim, and I am so happy to give you a feedback.
ReplyDelete1. Your mainpoint is clear: Je-Ju island is the best city to live in. This is represented in your topic sentence which is obvious and make it easy to understand what you want to tell us.
2. Regarding all the details, I am a littel bit dissapointed because there are not enough explanation and examples in your paragraph. Of course, it includes many fact, and this informs readers well about the Je-ju island, but the paragraph would be more interesting and attractive with more explanation and examples.
Thanks for your meaningful writing and see you in class next week! :)
Hello, Jae Hun! I’m Jeong Hyen Joo, and this is my feedback.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I really enjoyed your writing because I also have been to Je-ju Island, and I thought that it was a wonderful place to live in. I think your main point is that Je-ju Island is the best city to live in. So, your topic sentence might be “I think that Je-Ju island is the best city to live in.” What I liked about this writings is that there are lots of facts about Je-ju Island. While I read your paragraph, I could learn interesting information about Je-ju Island. It really helped me to understand why you chose Je-ju as the best city to live in. But, I think there are some parts which need improvements. There aren’t many explanations or experience. Your paragraph is full of facts. It would be better if you add more experience because it makes your writing more vividly.
Thank you, and see you next time!
The city of beautiful nature: Je-ju Island
ReplyDeleteI think that Je-Ju island is the best city to live in. So if I have opportunity, I want to live in Je-ju Island. According to (One of the weekly magazine in South Korea)'s research which is based on 2010 Population and housing census and the National Statistical Office's e-local indicators(statistical data), Je-Ju Island is the area that has the most quality of life among nationwide 16 cities and provinces. Je-ju Island is famous for its beautiful scenery and nature environment. When a high school excursion, I visited Je-ju Island. It was so impressive that Je-ju Island has beautiful scenery like the Jeong-bang waterfall and the Sung-san sunrise peak. In the middle of je-ju Island, there is the Mountain Halla which is the highest mountain in South Korea. In high school, I went up to Mt. Halla. It took a long time about 8-9 hours because Mt. Halla is a high mountain (1950m above sea level). It is not easy to climb the mountain because there are a lot of the roads of the basalt. And throughout the island, there are many O-reums (the Je-ju dialect) which mean parasitic volcano. The sea of Jeju lsland has different scenery and atmosphere unlike the East-sea or the South-sea. Life of city is too tired because we are so busy and the city always crowd with many people. So escape from the city, I believe it is truly happy life that live in beautiful scenery like Je-ju Island.
Hi, My name is Minju.
ReplyDeleteI love Jeju Island too!!:)
Also, I really liked your writing.
However, I thought it would be better if you can explain why you think Jeju island is the best city to live in. You explained about the island but you didn't tell us the reason why you like the island.