Buying a Special Gift
Several weeks ago, it was my father's birthday so I decided to buy something special for him. I was not able to be with my family last year because of school but this year his birthday was on weekend so I wanted to surprise him with a present. It was the first time ever to give him something that I bought with the money I earned through part-time job so I really wanted this to be special. Choosing gift for someone you love is challenging but if you do it with planned steps, it is much easier. First, I fix the money range of how much I can spend on the gift. Since I am a student, I am tight on my budget so whenever I buy something, I try to make a wise purchase. One way to do that is to figure out how much I can spend. Next, I think about the person's work, taste and characteristic. This is important because you want to give a gift that could be practical for the person. In my case, it was my father who is a professor at Jeonnam University. I wrote down the list of things that could be useful to him or he might like. After some consideration, you make your final decision. I chose a business card wallet because I remembered that he had a lot of name cards but they were in old plastic box. Then I went to the mall to buy the gift for him. I went through about 5 stores and compared the designs and prices. This is very important because there can be something better in a store that you have not visited. Finally, I was able to find the perfect business card wallet with the appropriate price. I wrote a letter to congratulate his birthday and to express thankfulness of his love and support. Whenever I give a gift to someone, I write a letter or card because this shows sincerity. My father was very happy to receive the gift and I was even happier.
Hi, this is Yun You Jung.
ReplyDeleteThrough your topic sentence, "Choosing gift for someone you love is challenging but if you do it with planned steps, it is much easier.", I can recognize that you will describe steps about choosing a gift.
You told your experience to choose a gift for your father. And I think this make your writing more interesting. Also, with the time order words, I can understand your writing easily.
But I think the third sentence in your writing is a little bit long and complex. It would be better if you devide the sentence.
Thank you for your writing. See you in the next class!
To Eun Dana From Jae Hyun Park Assignment A process paragraph that explains the steps for choosing a special gift for someone you love.
ReplyDelete1, What I like about this piece of writing is your overall style. Your writing really makes me smile. I think you have gut for this thing. I really envy you. I’m not sure if there are levels in writing but if there are your writing must be a very high level one.
2, Topic sentence: Several weeks ago, it was my father's birthday so I decided to buy something special for him. I think your topic sentence is quite clear. You are going to talk about your steps to choose your father’s birthday present.
3, Supporting sentences: I feel your supporting sentences well support your main ideas. First, I need to fix my budget. Second, I should consider receiver’s characteristic and other situations. And as I read parts that describes your effort to find perfect, special gift for your father visiting 5 stores in the mall, I felt you are so good daughter.
4,I can notice some time order words to separate the steps such as first and second. But I do not see many modals, but I do not think it is problem.
5,Concluding sentence: Whenever I give a gift to someone, I write a letter or card because this shows sincerity. My father was very happy to receive the gift and I was even happier. These are your concluding parts. I do not think they are bad, I think you can improve this part by giving more conclusion-like sentence, because according to editor’s checklist I do not feel your concluding parts offer a suggestion or warning to help the reader do the task more easily. But it is definitely your choice.
6, For me some changes you could make that would make the improvement in this piece of writing are followed. 1. Improve your title. Your current title, Buying a Special Gift is too general.
2. remove this part; “I was not able to be with my family last year becuse of school but this year his birthday was on weekend so I wanted to surprise him with a present. ” I think this line is quite unnecessary.
By the way, I really enjoyed your writing. I envy you. See you in class.
Several weeks ago, it was my father's birthday so I decided to buy something special for him. I had been collecting money from part-time job for this. It was the first time ever to give him something that I bought with my own money so I really wanted this to be special. Choosing gift for someone you love is challenging but if you do it with planned steps, it is much easier. Let me give you my tips for choosing gifts. First, I fix the money range of how much I can spend on the gift. Since I am a student, I am tight on my budget so whenever I buy something, I try to make a wise purchase. One way to do so is to figure out how much I can spend. Next, I think about the person's work, taste and characteristic. This is important because you want to give a gift that could be practical for the person. In my case, it was my father who is a professor at Jeonnam University. I wrote down the list of things that could be useful to him or that he might like. After some consideration, you make your final decision. I chose a business card wallet because I remembered that he had a lot of name cards but they were stored in old plastic box. Then I went to the mall to buy the gift for him. I went through about 5 stores and compared the designs and prices. This is very important because there can be something better in a store that you have not visited. Finally, I was able to find the perfect business card wallet with the appropriate price. Oh, and there is one thing that I want to recommend you to do when giving gifts-writing letters. Preparing a card or a letter is good because it shows your sincerity about the person. I wrote a letter to congratulate his birthday and to express thankfulness of his love and support. My father was very surprised and also happy to receive the gift and letter from me. So I suggest that you follow my steps, and your loving ones will be happy and satisfied and you will also be.
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