Choosing gifts for someone is really difficult as you know. The gift you believe that counterpart must satisfy often can't attract his/her mind as you expected.
The reason is that you choose gifts in your position. Let me give you some hints when choosing presents.
First, check for whom you buy gifts. Are they Boy or Girl? Parents or Grandparents? Teacher or Your friend? It's very basic factor you have to consider when selecting presents. Next, you have to try to
understand what they need. It doesn't mean you have to ask them their favorite. you can come up with the best gift through your experience with them. For example, I gave sunscreen lotion for my PE teacher, and gym shoes for my father who loves exercise. Finally, don't be obessed with gift's price. How much the gift isn't important at all. Some of you might feel stressed because they think the more expensive the price of gift, the better. However you have to aware that the higher the price, the more burdensome they(who are given gifts) will feel. Rather, a piece of letter can have greater effects on them.
May is a familly day. There's parent's day, children's day, Teacher's day and so on. Don't worry about choosing gifts! The answer is in yourself.
hi, this is Dana Eun from your class and here is my feedback on your writing!
ReplyDeleteYour topic sentence tells what the task is, which is some hints for choosing gifts. It contains controlling idea and it is 'hints when choosing gifts.'
Your supporting sentences include a sequence of steps. However, I felt like they were too short and less informed. I wish there were more details about the process.
you used time order words to separate the steps. They were easy to recognize and helped me to understand the sequence.
You used one or two imperatives to give directions. It wasn't bad but maybe using more could have been better. Also, there wasn't much modals to express advice, necessity, and prohibitions.
Your concluding sentence did restate your main point, which is not to feel difficult when choosing gift. But it didn't offer a suggestion or warning.
You capitalized all the fist letters and put end punctuation at the end. It was good.
One change you can make to improve your writing is to be more specific and cohesive. For example, the part where you mentioned the letter can be more elaborated and the concluding sentence needs more explanation.
Thanks for sharing your paragraph and see you in class!:)
Hi, this is Youn Hee of the writing class!
ReplyDeleteYour topic sentence tells what the task is: you’re going to give us some hints when choosing presents. Your topic sentence contains a controlling idea. You tell us what you will say about the topic: specified hints about how to choose presents. Your writing includes a sequence of steps but I think it should be better if you gave more details about how checking for whom to buy gift is basic factors. But I liked that you gave the example of your PE teacher and your father. You used time order words like “first”, “next” and “finally” to separate the steps. You used one or two imperatives but it could be better if you used more to show advice or necessity. Also, I think there weren’t modals to express advice, necessity and prohibitions. There was a concluding sentence but it didn’t offer a suggestion or warning. And you did capitalize the first letter and put punctuation at the end.
I want you to give more details for each step and use more imperatives to show directions and instructions.
Thank you and see you in class!! :)