How to save a life within an hour
Have you ever saved someone else's life? I did with this some simple steps called "Blood Donation." If you are healthy and with no problem seeing blood, than go for it! First, find the nearest Blood Donation Center you can find. Get inside and take a number ticket. These days medical interview is done by computer. You must do this in order to donate your blood. Through this step, the center knows whether you are capable of donation or not. After answering questions asking whether you have infectious disease or have been to place know to be highly contagious of such diseases like Malaria or Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. If you are clear the nurse checks your blood pressure and asks what kind of blood donations you are going to do. Blood donation is divided into whole donation and ingredient donation. Whole blood donation is literally donating your blood in a whole pack. It takes about 15~20 minutes. It's quite simple. On the other hand Ingredient donation is more complicated and takes more time. You can donate either plasma or platelet. Ingredient donation is for patients with leukemia or thrombochtopenia(decrease of platelet). The machine pulls your blood out and extracts ingredients needed and other parts of your blood comes back into your body. The machine does the complicated part but you have to sit down and wait at least 40 minute and sometimes it takes more than an hour. When your donation is finished go out and eat some cookies and drink a lot to supplement the loss in your body system. If you are whole donator, wait for 2 months. If not, come back in 2 weeks. This is how you can save someone else in a very easy way.
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ReplyDeleteTo MinKyonh Sohn From Jae Hyun Park Assignment A process paragraph about something you know how to do that might be helpful to someone else
Delete1,Does the paragraph have a topic sentence? Can you identify the process the writer will describe?
I find your topic sentence as this one, Have you ever saved someone else's life? I did with this some simple steps called "Blood Donation." I think using question at the very beginning of the paragraph can grab reader’s eye more effectively. I guess it is good. Plus, I can identify that your process writing is about blood donation.
2,Does he writer provide background information about the process? If so, write it here.
Well, according to our text book at page 80, it is said that supporting sentences are sentences which descrive a sequence of steps that give detailed information about the stages of the process or sentences that give background details that help define the process for the reader or explain why this process is useful or necessary or sentences that may include the tools needed for the task. And I don’t feel your current writing do not quite go along with conditions. The major thins is that your writing is lack of sequences. The only word that signals sequences is “first” in your writing. But I find you really tried to give detailed information about the stages for example giving two types of blood donations. Wow, I just got this thing from you. I really appreciate it.
3, Does the writer explain why this process is useful or necessary and include the tools needed? If not, write the information that is missing here.
Well, I find you have already long enough information such as specific disease’s name and two types of blood donations and so on.
4, Does the concluding sentence restate the main idea in the topic sentence or give a suggestion or warning?
This is how you can save someone else in a very easy way. Through this sentence I felt that I should join blood donations. What a strong and emotional suggestion even though it is stated in an indirect way.
5, These particular words or lines struck me as powerful.
Get inside and take a number ticket. I like this line most. It gave me such impressions as if I am waiting in line for it. I like this part because it gave me most vivid scene in my mind.
6, Some things aren’t clear to me.
If you are healthy and with no problem seeing blood, … In this sentence, what do you mean by seeing blood? Can you explain it more detailed way? Because I really feel that I have no idea with this.
7,The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is adding more time order words. I find your writing really do have certain sequences. But the thing that your writing is lack of time order words makes your writing just like a general writing about blood donation. I think your writing will be really improved if you add some time order words.
And thank you for giving me a chance to share this. See you in class.
Sorry for inconvenience but my comment is just removed! Though I wrote it last week but I find it today. It is really strange.
Why my comment is keep disappearing?
DeleteHi, this is Jiyoung from your writing class. Here is your comment. I liked that your title. It makes me curious enough to read the whole text. I liked the expression saving life in an hour. It makes me feel the importance of blood donation. But there are some parts that I don't understand. For example, If you are whole donator wait for 2 months ~ 2weeks. I think this expression needs more explanation. If you add some more explanation, it will be better writing. See you in the class!
ReplyDeleteHow to save a life within an hour
ReplyDeleteHave you ever saved someone else's life? I did with this some simple steps called "Blood Donation." If you are healthy enough, than go for it! First, find the nearest Blood Donation Center you can find. And then get inside and take a number ticket. These days medical interviews are done by computer. You must do this in order to donate your blood. Through this step, the center knows whether you are capable of donation or not. After answering questions asking whether you have infectious disease or have been to place know to be highly contagious of such diseases like Malaria or Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, the nurse checks your blood pressure and asks what kind of blood donations you are going to do. Blood donation is divided into whole donation and ingredient donation. Whole blood donation is literally donating your blood in a whole pack. It takes about 15~20 minutes. It's quite simple. On the other hand Ingredient donation is more complicated and takes more time. You can donate either plasma or platelet. Ingredient donation is for patients with leukemia or thrombochtopenia(decrease of platelet). The machine pulls your blood out and extracts ingredients needed and other parts of your blood comes back into your body. The machine does the complicated part but you have to sit down and wait at least 40 minute and sometimes it takes more than an hour. When your donation is finished go out and eat some cookies and drink a lot to supplement the loss in your body system. If you are whole donator, wait for 2 months. If you are ingredient donator, come back in 2 weeks for another donation. This is how you can save someone else in a very easy way