What Are Pets to Us
I definitely think that pets are good companions to everyone. They teach us many valuable things as well as comforts us emotionally. First, we can better understand the nature by raising pets. For example, when I raised hamsters, I had to leave them for 3 days because of a family trip. Worried about their food, I filled the bowl with enough feed and water before I left. However, when I got back, I was so shocked to find that the mother hamster ate her kids. "Mom! The mother hamster were so hungry that ate her kids!!" I ran to my mother crying, but what she said was also surprising. She explained that if hamsters faced with an unusaul environment, they tended to eat their kids to protect them. She added that it was because they thought to kill their kids by themselves were better than to let them die under more dangerous situation. I couldn't understand her words thorougly at that time, but at least realized that some animals could kill their kids not because they were cruel but because they tried to save them. Even if it looks absurd to human, that's the way how they adjust to the changed environment. That was totally a new lesson to me. Furthermore, when we take care of pets, we naturally grow a sense of resposibility. In my experience, when I raised rabbits with my sister, we cleaned up their cage every satureday. It was a tiring thing to do and removing their droppings was not a pleasing work at all. However, we never skipped it even once because we didn't want our cute rabbits to get sick in a dirty, smelly space. The love for pets made us more resposible and considerable. Finally, pets are always good partners no matter how we feel. Personally, I was given a great comfort from my rabbit. Pretty frequently when I felt gloomy, I went out for a walk with my rabbit on my shoulder. I walked and walked for a long time with her. She didn't say a word, but I felt that she was there so vividly beating her heartbeats. And whenver she made little moves on my shoulder, I felt tickled but happy. The strong feeling that she was being alive with me made me so peaceful and comfortable. In many cases, we cannot deny that pets are good teachers and partners to us. They always gives us a wonderful experience.
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With the perfect topic sentence and the concluding sentence,
ReplyDeleteeach of the supporting sentences is good to understand.
and your story, i mean, based on your real experience, was helpful to see what you wanted to say in this text.
and i like the sentence
"but I felt that she was there so vividly beating her heartbeats. "
So small but we can feel, I know it. very sweet.
One thing, you write the second from the bottom, pets as your partners.
I think friends would be better, because if you say partners, I think it is closer to the spouse.
I enjoyed your writing, Thanks,
Hi MyungJae this is SunGyung Kim, and I am so happy to give you a feedback.
ReplyDelete1. Your mainpoint is obvious: Pets are good companions to people. This is represented in your topic sentence and is also one of the good points of your paragraph. Your piece of writing is clear and obvious, not vauge, and so I really liked it.
2. Regarding all the examples and explanation, I think there were not any serious mistakes or contents which distracts readers. Especially, appropriate use of quotation make the paragraph better explained.
3. However, the last point is a little bit misunderstandable due to the sub-topic sentence "Finally, pets are always good partners no matter how we feel." I can understand what you want to tell you, but this is only until I read all the rest part of the paragraph. If you revise this sentence in a more appropriate way, your writing would be perfect.
Thanks for your wonderul writing and see you in class next week! :)