My aunt Sarah
I have an aunt who is as young as I am. Her name is Sarah, and she is half American. She is the person who I like best to spent time with, because she is the funniest person I have ever known. She tells a lot of jokes that sound silly but reasonable. For example, once, we drank together at a bar until we got drunk. We didn't even remember how we had come home from the bar. When we got up in the next morning, she said that she had "browned out" last night. I asked what the expression meant and she answered that she created the expression as a weaker version of "to black out". According to her, if she browned out, she was so drunk that she doesn't remember how the party was over last night, but, still, she remembers some parts of the party. I couldn't stop laughing after listening to the joke. Her intelligence is also a reason why I like to be with her. For example, she can be a good docent for me when we went to museums or galleries. She knows a lot of interesting things, especially, that are related to art and literature. She can find out who the painter is, after take a short glance on the painting and she quotes various rhetorics of famous authors. Last but not least, I like my aunt because she is a good listener. For example, I feel eased after a talk with Sarah whenever I get stressed out. She waits until I finish my talk and tries to give me helful advice. To sum up, my favorite aunt Sarah is a great comedian, a great teacher and a great counselor for me.
Hi, this is SunGyung Kim.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like the most about your writing is that you explain why you like Sarah with detailed examples. your word choice is always great too.
It sounds you two are really colse and I could feel it through the passage. This also represents the main point of your writing.
However, I darely recommend you reorganize the length of each points. You have three main points with examples but it's getting shorter and shorter. It's not a critical problem but seems that you're trying to finish the writing as fast as you can. (^.^;;;;;)
Incidentally, I really enjoyed your writing and it always inspire me to study English writing more :) See you in class!
hi, this is Dana Eun from your class.
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked about your writing is that you used specific examples to describe your aunt. I liked the way you used some episodes with her to explain her characteristic.
Your main point seems to be your attachment to your aunt, Sarah. You two sounds more like friends than relatives and I liked that too.
There wasn't any part that I felt vague or couldn't understand. Your expressions were pretty neat and easy to understand.
One thing that you can do to make this paragraph even better would be adding some conjunctions to make the flow of the writing more natural. You can add some words between your reasons of why you like her. For example, between the first reason and the second one, it would be better to put a conjuction like 'In addition', 'secondly'.
But very good writing overall and I wish I had an aunt like yours:) See you in class!
Hi, it's NA RAE SON.
ReplyDeletefirst of all, i envy you because the relationship between you and your aunt is so tight that i have never seen around me. usually in korea, it is, mostly, a bit uncomfortable, isn't it?
but you have so funny experience with your aunt, even you guys drink together! what a cool she is!
your writing is organized well, i think. Topic sentence and the concluding match well, and your episode about her creative joke makes the story more vivid, and realistic.
but one thing makes me stop and think again while i read, was 'For example, I feel eased after a talk with Sarah whenever I get stressed out. ' because there pop up the name of her suddenly.
I ve seen only her til there, but suddenly, there was her name.
To me, if the name of her replace with her, it would be easier to read.
I like your writing ,again. Thanks.
My aunt Sarah
ReplyDeleteI have an aunt who is as young as I am. Her name is Sarah, and she is half American. She is the person who I like best to spent time with, because she is the funniest person I have ever known. She tells a lot of jokes that sound silly but reasonable. For example, once, we drank together at a bar until we got drunk. We didn't even remember how we had come home from the bar. When we got up in the next morning, she said that she had "browned out" last night. I asked what the expression meant and she answered that she created the expression as a weaker version of "to black out". According to her, if she browned out, she was so drunk that she doesn't remember how the party was over last night, but, still, she remembers some parts of the party. I couldn't stop laughing after listening to the joke. Her intelligence is also a reason why I like to be with her. For example, she can be a good docent for me when we went to museums or galleries. She knows a lot of interesting things, especially, that are related to art and literature. She can find out who the painter is, after take a short glance on the painting and she quotes various rhetorics of famous authors. Last but not least, I like my aunt because she is a good listener. For example, I feel eased after a talk with her whenever I get stressed out. She waits until I finish my talk and tries to give me helful advice. To sum up, my favorite aunt Sarah is a great comedian, a great teacher and a great counselor for me.