My Little Niece
Every night, after school and work, I drag myself to home. Stepping up the stairs to my house, I find myself being totally worn-out. I just feel like throwing everything away and taking a long rest. I even feel sick and drowsy. However, when I open the front door and heard a high-pitched voice from inside, I suddenly forget the feeling of tiredness. "Aunt Myungjae! I missed you!" She is my little niece who is only 5 years old. She follows after me to my room and keeps saying something. "Aunt Myungjae, didn't you miss me? I've waited for you so long! And I… " It sounds as if she sings a song, and her words are like a cute melody. Although I had to suffer from all kinds of noises outside, I just let her go and enjoy her melody. She suddenly says, "I like you. You are so pretty." Then I say to myself, 'No way! I am so exhausted. I feel my hair gone greasy and skin being dull. I cannot look pretty.' I go to see a mirror, but sadly, there is a pitiful woman with glassy eyes and deep dark circles. Being disappointed, I ask her, "You think I am pretty?" Then she responds, "Yes. You are so pretty." What I should do? I cannot but make a big smile. After talking with her for a while, I sit down to my desk and put some books out of my bag to do a school assignment. It's a load of work, but I have to finish it until tomorrow. I feel a pressure again. At the moment, the little girl comes to me again and whispers, "I have three chocolates. You can take one." I look down her hand grabbing a sack of snack bars which is a little big for her tiny hand. I thank her, but I know those are her favorites. So I say to her warmly, "Thanks, sweetie. But I'm okay." Then she puts one of the bars on my knee and says, "Please take one. It tastes so good." So I do my work biting sweet chocolate. How can anyone do not love her? She is so innocent and adorable. Sometimes I think I am given much greater cheers and love from her than any other adults. I wonder how such a little creature can do the amazing things.
Hi Myungjae! I'm Sora.
ReplyDeleteYour niece is so cute and adorable! Who can't love her? But your paragrph is disorganized. It's a little bit confusing. I think you just write some short episodes with your niece. That makes confusing. So I think using well-organized example would be better.
Thank you!
Hello Myungjae, this is MinKyong!
ReplyDeleteWow, I can't believe what I just read. Your niece is so precious and adorable. I have a nephew who just turned 3. I wish I learns to talk fast so that I can have such a lovely chat like you and your niece had.
I think your whole paragraph is full of giving examplary dialogue you had with her.It's really a nice try I could undestand the whole situation like I'm really in it. But I think it would be better to add some other examples to show how sweet she is.I'm sure there's ton of it.:D
Well, thanks for your work and I'll see you in class!
Hi, I'm Jae-Hun Lee and this is my feedback for your writing.
ReplyDeleteYour main point is about your favorite relative: your little neice. I think your paragraph is good because you show us about your specific story including dialogue. I agree with you this sentence: "How can anyone do not love her?"
Thank you for your writing and see you next week!
A revised writing.( Lee Myungjae )
ReplyDeleteMy Little Niece
Every night, after school and work, I drag myself to home. Stepping up the stairs to my house, I find myself being totally worn-out. I just feel like throwing everything away and taking a long rest. I even feel sick and drowsy. However, when I open the front door and heard a high-pitched voice from inside, I suddenly forget the feeling of tiredness. "Aunt Myungjae! I missed you!" She is my little niece who is only 5 years old. She follows after me to my room and keeps saying something. "Aunt Myungjae, didn't you miss me? I've waited for you so long! And I… " It sounds as if she sings a song, and her words are like a cute melody. Although I am tired of all kinds of noises outside, I just let her go and enjoy her melody. She suddenly says, "I like you. You are so pretty." Then I say to myself, 'No way! I am so exhausted. I feel my hair gone greasy and skin being dull. I cannot look pretty.' I go to see a mirror, but sadly, there is a pitiful woman with glassy eyes and deep dark circles. Being disappointed, I ask her, "You think I am pretty?" Then she responds, "Yes. You are so pretty." What I should do? I cannot but make a big smile. After talking with her for a while, I sit down to my desk and put some books out of my bag to do a school assignment. It's a load of work, but I have to finish it until tomorrow. I feel a pressure again. At the moment, the little girl comes to me again and whispers, "I have three chocolates. You can take one." I look down her hand grabbing a sack of snack bars which is a little big for her tiny hand. I thank her, but I know those are her favorites. So I say to her warmly, "Thanks, sweetie. But I'm okay." Then she puts one of the bars on my knee and says, "Please take one. It tastes so good." So I do my work biting sweet chocolate. This is one of the rephatories being with her, but how can anyone do not love her? She is so innocent and adorable. Sometimes I think I am given much greater cheers and love from her than any other adults. I wonder how such a little creature can do the amazing things.