One word that could explain myself
I am a thoughtful person. I always care about other people's feeling, and their situation. I have been like this since I was a little child. My personality became thoughtful due to a reason. When I was 6 years old, I got a disease which gave me a hard time during kindergarten. After I had gone through this hard time, I started talking not so much. Instead, I liked listening to other people's talk. This made me a caring person who listen to other people well, and understand their feelings. After I grew up, I still have this good habit. Since I was in elementary school, many of my friends used to come up to me and talk about their concerns, and rely on my advices. That is because I sincerely care about their situation. Also, I really hate causing harm to other people. Therefore, I never do anything that might hurt other's feeling or cause inconvenience. I always think for a while before I do something to care about others. This personality sometimes gives me loss, but I never complain about it. I know being thoughtful is worthy than being selfish. I am thankful that I am a thoughtful person.
Hi Minju. Here is my comment on your writing.
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you gave details like your sickness and the story of you advising your friends.
2. Your main point seems to be your thoughtful personality and your thoughts about it.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful :
I sincerely care about - it shows how much you care others.
I am thankful that I am a thoughtful person - I liked that you cherish yourself a lot.
Instead, I liked listening to other people's talk - It shows how you changed after the hard time
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively):
The sentence 'After I grew up, I still have this good habit' seems to be not in the right place. Because the next sentence is about the story of your childhood.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is : emphasizing the word 'worthy' in the sentence ' I know being thoughtful is worthy that being selfish'. If you emphasize this word like 'much worthier', it would complement the next sentence by giving the reason why you are thankful of your personality as well as the sentence before.
Hi this is Kahee.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about your paragtaph is that you wrote the cause for your the cause for your personality that you have.
If I could make some changes in your writing it would be, first the title. The title seems to be a bit too general to me. And I would like some more examples. Like how you try not to harm other people's feelings
Hi, this is ChaiHyun Nah from your monday writing class.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I liked your writing because you used many examples to describe your characteristics. It was interesting to hear that you overcame such a hardship when you were only a kindergartener! I thought manybe giving more specific details about your illness--how it changed your personalities, whether you were more a 'talker' than a 'listener' before the hard time, etc.--would make your writing even more interesting to read. And also, try to use more diverse range of vocabulary:)
Thank you, and see you tomorrow.
Second draft
ReplyDeleteI am a thoughtful person. I always care about other people's feeling, and their situation. I have been like this since I was a little child. My personality became thoughtful due to a reason. When I was 6 years old, I got a disease which gave me a hard time during kindergarten. After I had gone through this hard time, I started talking not so much. Instead, I liked listening to other people's talk. This made me a caring person who listen to other people well, and understand their feelings. After I grew up, I still have this good habit. Since I was in elementary school, many of my friends used to come up to me and talk about their concerns, and rely on my advices. That is because I sincerely care about their situation. Also, I really hate causing harm to other people. Therefore, I never do anything that might hurt other's feeling or cause inconvenience. I always think for a while before I do something to care about others. This personality sometimes gives me loss, but I never complain about it. I know being thoughtful is worthy than being selfish. I am thankful that I am a thoughtful person.