Since my childhood, I have been an active and optimistic person. I get along with almost all kinds of different people. I do not fear standing in front of the crowd and I believe that must have been the important reason for me to have more chance to stand in front of the other people. For example, I was the class captain for the entire years of the elementary school and the middleschool. During my highschool years, I was the vice president of the Student Council. However, of course this does not mean that I have no enemy. There always existed some people who did not like me, even when I was in the elementary school! Back then, I was deeply hurt because I did not know why they hated me, but I soon found out that it is impossible to have no enemy at all. And here comes my optimism again; I do not pay attention to those people who are not on my side, and I am still wide open to anyone whowants to be my friend. Just tap my shoulder andI will smile back to you. Yes, this is me.
Hi, this is Yun you jung and I'll give you a feedback based on the guide in our book.
ReplyDeleteThe title of your writing is "Who Am I?". I think this is good for catching people's interest. And your topic sentence is "I have been an active and optimistic person."-topic is "I", and controlling idea is "an active and optimistic person". Also, you give two examples and these describe yourself well. Your examples are relevant to your topic. But if you add some controlling idea in your concluding sentence (Yes,this is me) like "Yes, It is I who is both active and optimistic.". Thank you for your writing and see you in the next class:-)
Hello! This is Takgyun.
ReplyDeleteI liked your paragraph because I could catch your main point just by reading the first sentence. I think you intended to say that you are active and optimistic. And all the supporting sentences described your personality well. However, I was suspicious of that not paying attention to those who are not on your side could mean optimistic. I believe you can give us more convincing examples. I liked your last two sentences. I think it explained you much better than several other sentences. Thank you for sharing your paragraph! See you in class!
Who Am I?
ReplyDeleteSince my childhood, I have always been an active and optimistic person. I get along with almost all kinds of different people, and I do not fear standing in front of the crowd which I believe is one of the most important reasons for me to have more chances to stand in front of the other people. For example, I was the class captain for the entire years of the elementary school and the middle school. During my high school years, I was the vice president of the Student Council. However, when you are the kind of person who likes to talk in front of the others, that means you are more likely to have people who do not like you. Due to my active personality, there always existed some people who were against me, even since from the elementary school! Back then, I was deeply hurt by those oppositions because I did not know why they hated me, but I soon found out that it is impossible for a person to have no enemy at all. And here comes the optimism again; I started to think those oppositions as their attention towards me. At least, my enemies “do” think about me. And I am still wide open to anyone who wants to be my friend. Just tap my shoulder and I will smile back to you. Yes, this is me.