Well-organized girl
I am an organized person. I don't know if my friends or my family would know it, but I think that I am. For example, I always write down my schedules in my diary or my smart phone's calendar and check them every day. When you'll see my diary or my mobile phone, you'll notice that they are full of plans and things to do. I write there what I have to do for classes or assignments and dates with friends. Also, I have to make plans and put what I have to do in order before doing something, big or small things, no matters. I must know what I am doing that day. And almost always, I am the one who tells my friends where to go or what to do the day we meet as they are the ones who decide on impulse. Other people could think that maybe I am stubborn and everyday organized. However, there are some times that I do things without plans and act as I like. But I like my personality, I like that I make things organized because I don't have to waste time. And I think it's a good habit to put things in order.
I made a mistake at the title!
ReplyDeleteIt has to be . :)
It has to be 'About myself'.
DeleteHi i am Kim you jin. thanks for your paragraph.
ReplyDeletei think that your main point is that you are a organized person, right? i think you array well examples which can explain your personality. for example, example about your smart phones and calendar can let me know how organized you are. also, i can feel you by the example that you are always saying to your friends what you are going to do, where you go...
however i think it is a little bit unecessary thing. it is not matched well with your subject. it is more about your habits than your personality-yourself. also, others' thoughts about you, like 'i don't know if my friends or my family would know it' are not necessary, i think. because it is about yourself, others' opinion and YOUR thoughts about how they think about yourself are not important. so i think it is better to erase this part and add something about you. thank you. see you
To Kim Younhee From Minju Yeo
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it is very organized and easy to read:) I guess you ARE an organized person haha
2. Your main point seems to be that you are an organized person and you like your characteristic.
3.
4. "there are some times that I do things without plans and act as I like." I think this part is a little bit too sudden and distract readers to concentrate. Therefore, I think you should add an example there.
5. One thing that could improve your writing is to avoid repeating. I feel like your writing is basically talking about one thing, but you're only expressing it in different ways. I think you should add some more imformation.
I am an organized person. And I think that I really am. For example, I always write down my schedules in my diary or my smart phone’s calendar and check them every day. When you’ll see my diary or my mobile phone, you’ll notice that they are full of plans and things to do. I write there what I have to do for classes or assignments and dates with friends. Also, I have to make plans and put what I have to do in order before doing something, big or small things, no matters. Because I have some jinx that I must know what I am doing that day. If not, I‘m anxious all that day. And almost always, I am the one who tells my friends where to go or what to do the day we meet as they are the ones who decide on impulse. Other people could think that maybe I am stubborn and everyday organized. However, there are some times that I do things without plans and act as I like. I suddenly go to a movie theater to see a movie or meet friends without any appointments. But I like my personality, I like that I make things organized because I don’t have to waste time. And I think it’s a good habit to put things in order.
ReplyDelete