I may not look so, but I'm actually a very shy person. And because I am not only shy but also timid, I have had some problems in my life. First I couldn't strike up a conversation to people I do not know. I like meeting people and hanging around, but I just can't start the conversation. I keep thinking if I should talk to someone or not, and this makes me miss the timing to talk to new people. When I was little I couldn't even order what I wanted to have at a restaurant; I couldn't even call the waiter because I was too shy to speak aloud. The other problem I had was that I couldn't make a presentation in front of others. I always felt very nervous when I had to stand in front of people, and that gave me so much stress that it resulted in stomachaches and headaches. And when my turn to speak comes, I start to forget my lines, my voice starts to shake, and I talk nonsense very fast. But until I graduated high school this problems were not that serious. However when I entered University I found out that I had to participate in many team projects, presentations; studying in University included a lot of participation. So I tried hard to overcome the troubles of my personality. I joined the student council in the department of ELG in my freshman year and tried to meet as many people as possible, I applied for exchange programs and right now I am participating in an internship at HUFS. I also tried to get used to speaking in front of people by doing additional presentations in class. I made some efforts and it did help me with the downsides of my personality. But we all know that characteristics do not change that easily. I still have hesitate at least three of more minutes before I can talk to someone, and I still get the quivers when I have to do a presentation. However I think being shy isn't a bad thing for me. If I were not shy at all I wouldn't have tried hard to change myself. I am still the same shy person, but I have considered and will keep considering this as a chance to develop myself.
Hi, I'm Lee Myungjae:) I really enjoyed your paragraph because it is well-organized with appropriate examples and the tone is so sincere. Actually I didn't see you as being timid or shy, so your mention is little surprising to me. Considering the developments, the main point would be that you are shy, but you've tried to transform yourself over time. The most impressive part in your writing is that you put much effort to get rid of the nervousness or hesitation in front of people. All the given examples prove that, so it's very convincing. But I feel that the length of your paragraph is a bit long although it hardly bothers the reading. Maybe you can omit some redundant parts such as 'I may not look so' in the first sentence. Additionally, I had a feeling of obstacle at the part "However I think being shy isn't a bad thing for me" because until that, you've described the character as your obvious downside. I think it would be better to say like.., 'Although I have some troubles with my shyness, I think it also gives me a continuous challenge to improve myself' Thank you for sharing your paragraph, and see you in class:)
ReplyDeleteI love your writing, because the flow is so interesting. shy person -> being not able to order and do presentation before crowd (which result in stomaches and headaches kk!! cute) ->but you must have made many efforts to overcome it by joining the student council and HUFS internship->moreover, trying to change your personality->but it is not easy. but all was helpful and meaningful to you.
ReplyDeletethere are all things I was curious about!
one thing i just want to ask. is an adjective 'quiver' appropriate to use in the context?
I stopped reading when i face this word. But it is just my opinion,
Take care and thanks for your interesting writing!
Draft 02
ReplyDeleteI may not look so, but I'm actually a very shy and timid person. As a person with such personality, I have had some problems in my life. One of the problems was that I can't strike up a conversation with people I'm not familiar with. I like meeting people and hanging around with them, but it's just hard to start the relationship at first. I keep thinking if I should talk to someone or not, and this makes me miss the right timing to get to know new people. When I was little I couldn’t even order what I wanted to have at a restaurant, I couldn't even call the waiter because I was too shy to speak aloud. The other problem I had was that I couldn't make a presentation in front of others. I always felt very nervous when I had to stand in front of people. And every time I had to do so, it gave me so much stress that resulted in stomachaches and headaches. When my turn to speak comes, I start to forget my lines, talk nonsense very fast, and even worse my voice starts to shake. This became rather a big problem after I entered university, where I found out that I had to participate in many team projects, presentations, in other words, lots of participation. So I tried to overcome the troubles I had with my personality. I joined the student council in the department of English Linguistics in my freshmen year and tried to meet as many people as possible, I applied for exchange student programs and right now I am participating in an internship at HUFS for the same reason. I also tried to get used to speaking in front of people by doing additional presentations in class, and trying to participate whenever I had the courage. These efforts did help me with the downsides of my personalities. However we all know that characteristics do not change that easily. I still hesitate at least three or more minutes before I can speak to someone, and I still get nervous when I have to do a presentation. I haven't overcome my weakness completely, and I am still the shy person that I used to be, but I consider my shyness as a chance to improve myself into a better person.