Choose the correct president for our bright future!
In this December 19th, there will be the 18th presidential election. For South Korea's future and our lives, we must elect a good president. We should choose carefully and reasonably, because the president not only represents the nation but also make many important decisions about security, diplomacy, economy, and social-problems. If we have a wrong choice, then our life is hard and tough than ever. For example, President Lee Myung-bak don't accept the will of the people, he push ahead Four Rivers Project and ROK-US FTA, As opposed to public relations, in fact, he has poor qualifications to handle global economy crisis and to care national welfare. Also, he has failed in foreign policy about the resource diplomacy. These days, he also has a trouble with corruption implicating people close to the president and his family members such as Lee Sang-deuk(President's older brother), Choi See-joong(Former chairman of the Korea Communications Commission) , Sin Jae-min(Former minister of culture, sports and tourism). In order to not repeat these terrible situations, the right choice is important. I think there are two important factors to make our choice better: qualification and personality. First, to be a good president, they must have enough qualification. The president must present a vision about future to the people. And also the president needs a soft leadership to accept the all people's opinion. Second, the president must be an honest and upright person. The president should not accept any bribes or solicit special favor. Think carefully and reasonably, and then choose the correct president for our bright future and our happy life!
*notice
ReplyDelete1)ROK-US FTA,-> ROK-US FTA.
2)not accept -> not accepts
Thanks:)
Hi, this is Ji-young JANG from your writing class. Here is my comment on your writing.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that you emphasize how important the presidential election is. And I also think that is really important for every nation in this country.
Your main point seems to be that there are two main factors to vote for a good president - qualification and honesty.
There are some words or lines struck me as powerful : for example, the line 'because the president not only represents~social problems.' That line remind me of importance of voting for a good president. But there are some words or lines that would be better if you fix it. Like the line ' then our life is hard and tough than ever.' can be fixed as 'then our life will be much harder and tougher than ever.' I think this emphasizing would help your writing.
The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is writing more focused with the main points. Your main points are voting for a candidate who has qualification and who is honest. But you wrote too much on the importance of having a good president.
Then, see you in class. Bye :)
Hi, this is Yun you jung.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that you explain the necessity of voting a correct president well. You claim that we must elect a good president, saying reasons. And examples like 'Four Rivers Project','ROK-US FTA', 'a trouble with corruption implicating people close to the president and his family members' support your claim well. I like your organization which have your oppinion and well supported sentences.
As I can see in your title and concluding sentence, your main point seems to choose the correct president for wonderful future. But the topic of your writing is "A president you would vote for". I suggest that your title includes factors which you think is needed to be a good president. Also, it would be better if you said more about two factors which a good president must have. You can give some examples for each factors.
I can read your writing with interest because the presidential election is coming. If you change a few things which I said in this comments, your writing will be better. Thank you for your writing and see you in the class!
Hi. This is Lee Myungjae.
ReplyDeleteI like your writing becuase it contains an strong opinion and maintains logical flows to the end. The main point of your writing is 'how to choose the right president for our future, and some considerations voters should take' Although you seems to give a bit different evaluation with me on the pocilcies of the present president, I absolutely agree with you related to the importatant factors when we should consider in the following election. Your suggestions are valid, and the way you arranged them is very neat and easy to follow. But I think it could be better to restate the topic sentence in different words at the end of the writing because you seemed to use almost same expressions in the concluding sentence.Otherwise your writing is good and solid. Thanks.
Choose right person who has qualification and morality.
ReplyDeleteIn this December 19th, there will be the 18th presidential election. For South Korea's future and our lives, we must elect a good president. I’ll choose carefully and reasonably, because the president not only represents the nation but also make many important decisions about security, diplomacy, economy, and social-problems. If we have a wrong choice, then our life will be much harder and tougher than ever. For example, President Lee Myung-bak don't accept the will of the people, he push ahead Four Rivers Project and ROK-US FTA. As opposed to public relations, in fact, he has poor qualifications to handle global economy crisis and to care national welfare. Also, he has failed in foreign policy about the resource diplomacy. These days, he also has a trouble with corruption implicating people close to the president and his family members such as Lee Sang-deuk(President's older brother), Choi See-joong(Former chairman of the Korea Communications Commission) , Sin Jae-min(Former minister of culture, sports and tourism).
In order to not repeat these terrible situations, the right choice is important. I think there are two important factors to make our choice better: qualification and personality. First, to be a good president, I think they must have enough qualification. The president must present a vision about future to the people. And also the president needs a soft leadership to accept the all people's opinion. We need a new paradigm to make a better future of South Korea. I think Park Geun-Hye’s Sae-nuri Party and Democratic United Party (DUP) represent old-crippled existing political system and paradigm. We need a new qualified person and I’ll choose the candidate who has qualification. Second, the president must be an honest and upright person. The president should not accepts any bribes or solicit special favor. Since 1948(ROK foundation year), for example, people close to the president and his family members has implicated in corruption and illegal solicit. Now, I’ll consider whether which candidate has morality in this election. I’ll think carefully and reasonably, and then choose the correct president by considering qualification and morality of candidates for our bright future and our happy life!