A dentist who give me two things
I know a physician who has not only outstanding skiil, but also kindness. Last summer vacation, I went to the dentist's office to straighten my teeth. I had tried to do this when I was in elementary school, but I had given up because of pain. So I was very afraid of feeling that pain again. But this never happened. I couldn't feel any suffering after I wore braces. Although I'm uncomfortable when eat something, I've never felt lots of pain until now. Even in the process of putting small screw into gum, where other people usually feel pains, I didn't feel any pain. However, the main reason I regard him as a good dentist lies in his kindness. He always greet patients with a smile. He explains to patients what he is about to do today, how the straightening of irregular teeth is coming along, and what the patients must do and must not in detail. If I ask a question or tell discomfort from brace, he sympathize with me and tell me the solution. Whenever I go to the dentist's office, I feel I am treated sincerely and I'm in a good mood. He give me two things : a high-quality dental treatment, and a pleasure that is derived from his kindness.
Hi this is MinKyong!
ReplyDeleteI think your main topic is about a dentist you know of. I could see how he is by the examples you provided in the Text. But I think your examples should be stronger to support your idea. Maybe adding some conversations you had with him. Overall, this is a nice paragraph.
Thank you and see you in the class!
Hi, You Jung. I'm Yeonju.
ReplyDeleteThe topic of your writing is your favorite dentist and the reasons why you like him. You named to reasons as his good skill and his kindness. This structure is clear, and you topic sentence and conclusing sentence is also clear. Overall I think it is a neat and well organised paragraph. Also, your example is detail and reasonable. The examples of the reasons why you like him-- the painless brace that he gave you and his kindness-- make me agree with you.
I think it will be more interesting if you add some description of the dentist, or how you got to know this dentist or how he looks like. I felt your writing was clear and understandable, but not really interesting. It will be great if you try to make it more dramatic and make a story in it.
Thank you and see you in the class!
-Revise-
ReplyDeleteA dentist who give me two things
I know a physician who has not only outstanding skiil, but also kindness. Last summer vacation, I went to the dentist's office to straighten my teeth. I had tried to do this when I was in elementary school, but I had given up because of pain. So I was very afraid of feeling that pain again. I surfed the Internet to find out nice dentist's office. And I found this dentist's office on the Internet cafe. Many people recommend this dentist. I doubted if their comments were truth, but I decided to believe them. And I find out that they were telling truth. I couldn't feel any suffering after I wore braces. Although I'm uncomfortable when eat something, I've never felt lots of pain until now. Even in the process of putting small screw into gum, where other people usually feel pains, I didn't feel any pain. However, the main reason I regard him as a good dentist lies in his kindness. He always greet patients with a smile. He explains to patients what he is about to do today, how the straightening of irregular teeth is coming along, and what the patients must do and must not in detail. If I ask a question or tell discomfort from brace, he sympathize with me and tell me the solution. Whenever I go to the dentist's office, I feel I am treated sincerely and I'm in a good mood. He give me two things : a high-quality dental treatment, and a pleasure that is derived from his kindness.