The Worst Waiter
In this high-speed world, it is true that there exist many people who have hard time waiting. However, I am sure that no one would be more impatient than him – my puppy, Popi. When I was in the elementary school, I had a 1 year old Dalmatian puppy in my house. He was very playful, sweet, and smart. But there was one thing he could not do very well – waiting. Popi was really smart and he learned fast to "sit", "paw", and even the "chu". The only thing he could not do was waiting in front of the cookies. The entire family tried to teach him but he never succeeded. There is another episode with Popi being such an impatient puppy. Every day he waited every members of the family to come back to home. Even though he could not know the exact time, his sense of time was pretty good that he would wander around the house when it was almost the time for my dad to come back home. And when he hears the sound of the elevator of the apartment he would whine impatiently sitting right next to the front door. When dad finally came home, he would greet this little hot temper puppy with some dog gums or "KalBee" bones brought from the restaurants. My puppy was really the worst, but the sweetest waiter in the world!
Hi this is Kahee
ReplyDeleteI read your paragrahp and I found it really interesting that you defined the topic 'the worst waiter' as someone not good at waiting.
I thought it as the waiter in the resaurants.
I like the concluding sentence, because it show how you feel about your puppy.
However I don't think the second example about your dog waiting for your family is fir for your writing.
Because you wrote that he waited every day, it gives me the impression that he is used to waiting, rather than impatient.
And I also think it would be better if you wrote the first example about the cookies a bit more in detail like the second one. Like writing how you puppy reacted when he is in front of the cookie..etc
See you in class:-D
Hi, ChaiHyeon! I’m Hyen Joo, and this is my feedback of your writing.
ReplyDeleteI’m afraid that you misunderstood the topic. ‘Waiter’ is a man who works in a restaurant, serving people with food and drink. I think you are confused about the meaning. Actually, what you talked in your writing is something about ‘awaiter.’ Next time you revise the paragraph, it would be better to change your topic. Anyway, I think your main point is that your puppy is a worst awaiter. So, your topic sentence will be “My puppy was really the worst, but the sweetest waiter in the world.” What I liked about this paragraph is that there are lots of detailed reasons why you think your puppy is the worst and the sweetest awaiter. Especially, the example at the last part of your paragraph was really good because I could understand the exact situation. But, in my opinion, I think you have to follow the topic. Because it was something about ‘the worst’, it would be better if you wrote only about the worst thing. I was a little bit confused when I saw the example about ‘the sweetest awaiter’. Anyhow, I think your writing was good and had an interesting story. I could feel how much you like your puppy.
Thank you, and see you next time!
hi, it's NA RAE SON. I enjoyed your writing because i know the characteristic of dalmatian.
ReplyDeleteHe must be so quick In temper. So when i read 'the only thing he~' i expected he must not be able to wait to family to come back home, so he make everything in the house messy or something.
of course there was what i expected, but 'waiting cookies' makes coherence of your essay unfocused.
but i love your topic sentence which is the second sentence of the writing, and the concluding sentence which added 'worst, but sweet' harmonize well. thanks.