A way to travel interests me.
I like traveling by train. Actually I love it. Because it is reminds me of my childhood. When I was 6 years old, my mom get pregnant my little brother. She left her hometown and lived with my father in Seoul. So her relatives and siblings lived so far from our house. My mother's parents, grandparents, were gone a very long time ago. Even more my father was very busy, I was very young, and we lived with my grandmother, my father's mother. So she didn't have anyone who could care about her. Of course my grandmother helped some housework, and cared about me. But she was very old and weak, so it didn't help a lot. When she were about to come due, she decided to stay her oldest sister's house. Got some rest and prepared baby birth. So since my mother temporally left us, every Friday night, my father and I went to visit her. On each time, we toke a train. Because when I toke a car, I get carsickness. And train was more comfortable than car for my father. So we toke a train. At then my father bought me some cookies, chocolate, and donuts. It was really good to me, because I couldn't eat those on weekday. At that time those were my most delicious foods. In a train while I ate some cookies, I looked at the view of outside and beautiful stars. It was amazing because I lived in the city so I rarely saw countryside. When we arrived, I could sleep beside my mother.
Hi! this is Kahee Lee
ReplyDeleteI really like your writing because its like a story. You wrote that you like to travel by train and also mentioned why you like to take trains. But because we are supposed to write a descriptive writing, I think it would be even better if you decribed the view you saw while during your ride. Or maybe some more comments about the train, like why it felt more compforable to you. See you in class then :-D
Hello Sora!This is MinKyohg.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story.The reason why you like traveling by train was very interesting. But like the comment above,this was supposed to be a descriptive writing and your writing is pretty much of explaining why you like it. Try to write more how the travel was. How was everything in the train or how the view ourside chaged as it traveled far from Seoul. More detailed descriptions can help your writing to be more tasteful. Anyway,thanks for the writing.I loved it.
Hi, sora! this is JaeHun Lee. Overall, whole paragraph makes me interesting. I think you're trying to describe your train travel. And I think if you're writing more about train or at the momont of traveling in train, then I think this paragraph has more specific details.
ReplyDeleteI love traveling by train. Because it is reminds me of my childhood. When I was 6 years old, my mom get pregnant my little brother. She left her hometown and lived with my father in Seoul. So her family lived so far from our house. Even more my father was very busy, I was very young. So she didn’t have anyone who could care about her. When she were about to come due, she decided to stay her oldest sister’s house. Got some rest and prepared baby birth. So since my mother temporally left us, every Friday night, my father and I went to visit her. On each time, we toke a train named Mugunghwa because I had a terrible carsickness. I was only 6 so the train seemed like big and scary machine monster. Before the train leave, my father bought me a cookie every. Its name was crunch and I never seen that before. It was made of chocolates and nuts as long stick bar. When I bit that cookie, it made a sound like crunch, crunch. It was so sweet and I like its sound. I loved it so I ate it at every Friday night, when we go to visit my mom. In a train while I ate some cookies, I looked at the view of scary outside. It was almost midnight so outside always dark and I saw some graves. So it was too scared to me. But I liked seeing the shining yellow stars. It was amazing because I lived in the city so I rarely saw countryside. But it was almost late night so soon I fell asleep and I dreamed about beautiful stars.
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