Spring in HUFS
As winter passed, spring drops by at hufs and at my heart. It represents its presence by warm wind and warm sunshine. Mild wind and gentle sunshine keep us smile. I can smell its fragrance by beautiful blossom blooming all over the campus. Along the campus, you can meet Minerva Complex. We can feel spring by watching green tree in that place. All green-colored trees are whispered by gentle wind. Underneath the tree, There are many space to sit and chatter with our friends. many students spend time talking to each other or reading a book. In front of Minerva complex, water spout out from a fountain. It makes us feel be in the river. Water flows beautifully and its sound appease us. In short, we can meet river, flowers and smiling students in spring of hufs. How can't I call it a heaven?
Hi You Jin! This is Youn Hee.
ReplyDeleteYour title attracted me! But I think it's not already the spring. It's still cold outside! But yes, it feels like spring though. And I liked that you said spring has come to our campus.
It's was good to describe our campus but, I think you could give more descriptions about Minerva or other places. I think you described more about the atmosphere of this place.
I can see that you wrote the senses of feeling, smelling, watching and hearing but I can't found the last sense. You could write something that spring tastes like flower or something like that..?
And I didn't really catch the word "meet". I thought that you wanted to say "see" or "watch". Is it right?
Thank you for your writing!
See you in class :)
Hello, this is Eun Dana from your writing class.
ReplyDeleteI read your paragraph with interest because it was about our campus.
What I like about your writing is that your descriptions are vey poetic. You used many adjectives to describe the spring of our campus and it showed how beautiful it would look when spring comes.
Your main point seems to be the beauty of our campus at spring and how students spend their time in campus.
I liked the sentence "All green-colored trees are whispered by gentle wind." because it is poetic and I can imagine the freshness of the trees and nature.
The one thing that could help improve this writing is to add more realistic descriptions about the campus. I could understand your writing because I am a student at HUFS, but if any others were to read it, they would have a hard time. For example, where is the Minerva Complex and what does it look like? In what part of the campus are the blossom trees? Descriptions about these could give a better sense to the readers to imagine the place.
Thanks for your writing and see you in class:)!
Spring in HUFS
ReplyDeleteAs winter passed, spring drops by at hufs and at my heart. It represents its presence by warm wind and warm sunshine. Mild wind and gentle sunshine keep us smile. I can smell its fragrance by beautiful blossom blooming all over the campus. Along the campus, you can meet Minerva Complex. Minerva Complex is located in front of Bon Gaun. it is square shape building , glass-made, and has many seats. these seats are made of wood. We can feel spring by watching green tree in that place. All green-colored trees are whispered by gentle wind. Underneath the tree, There are many space to sit and chatter with our friends. many students spend time talking to each other or reading a book. In front of Minerva complex, water spout out from a fountain. It makes us feel be in the river. Water flows beautifully and its sound appease us. sometimes it flows lowly and sometimes highly. In short, we can meet river, flowers and smiling students in spring of hufs. How can't I call it a heaven?